Humility.

It is a mystery... to me.

I do NOT have a potty trained little boy by the end of Day 3 of the 3 Day Potty Training Method by Lora Jensen.

The interesting thing is that I wouldn't attempt a different method with the next child if I had one.  I would advocate for this method until I was blue in the face because it makes sense -- which I do not see on the part of most potty training 'methods'.  With this method, you let THEM figure out the signal for when they're about to 'release' and then OWN it.  What a great arena to teach them how to progressively take on responsibility -- in the beginning YOU are the boss, taking off their diaper and putting on their big boy underwear; midway THEY are learning from you what to do and YOU are learning their signals; by the 'end' THEY have learned all the necessary skills to be fully potty trained.  What I'm realizing is that I did it 'by the book' and have found that the outcome was not what I expected. 

Tonight Benjamin pooped in his underwear for the second time today.  He was obviously very disturbed about the process of getting into the bathroom part way through, gently taking off his drawers and letting the poop fall in the toilet as Lora suggests to do.  I gently coaxed him onto the stool the first time so that, in the least, I could have him sit down, lean forward and I would wipe him clean... he sobbed and said, 'ow! ow! owwwwww...'  He ran around like a madman until I was able to calmly walk over and hug him.  I picked him up - something he wasn't letting me do moments before - and I gently set him back down again to put on his 'clean underwear'.  Ushered him off with a 'remember to tell Mommy when you need to go potty' and 'keep your underwear dry!'  with a smile on my face.  My fake smile quickly faded as he rounded the corner out of his room... something was missing from all of this.  Was I doing something wrong?  What was it?  I prayed in that moment, almost in tears as I watched my beautiful child (sometimes very 'hands-on' but rarely 'bad' and never 'uncontrollable') turn into a little man completely run by anger and fear - uncontrollable.

The evening continued on and he had another poop like the first... I took a deep breath and caught him in my arms part way through.  He stepped on the stool, turned around and right before sitting on the toilet, he FREAKED... he stepped down, holding his hand over his bum and shaking his head - crying in fear.  I gently talked with him and tried to coax him back on the stool... and that's when he opened the storage portion of our step stool.  M&Ms.  Oh crap... he grabbed them and said with a large smile, 'Mine!', patting his fat little hand on his chest, waiting for my affirmation.  He looked as though he had seen the light at the end of a long, scary tunnel.  He was pleading for me to smile and say 'yes' but I thought to myself... 'maybe this could be what gets him back on the stool to be wiped clean of his own feces.'  I said, 'AFTER we wipe your bum clean!' and I patted the stool... he sank in spirit and started sobbing again.  He began his 'little-man-completely-run-by-anger-and-fear' episode - numero dos.  I almost started crying in that moment.  None of this was 'clicking' for him and I was watching as he morphed before my eyes into a child that was not being trained up in the Lord.  My heart sank and I could barely function... and that's not being dramatic.

As I was in this midst of this disheartened, defeated and discouraged mindset I began to rethink everything.  Benjamin had run from the bathroom, fallen face first into the wall in his tantrum state and given himself a nice goose egg.  He had then ran screaming for the pantry where he knew the M&Ms would be and opened the door, jarring it so hard against the adjacent wall that I was sure we'd have serious damage deposits to pay if I didn't do something quick.  I gently pulled him free of the door and he threw himself back, racking his head on the wall so hard as he fell backwards in a heap on the floor... purple in the face, screaming, kicking and making his brother and sister come over to watch (they aren't 'thrown' by much anymore - this was definitely telling.)

Ben ran over to the stools under the bar in the kitchen and caged himself in with two stools.  He sat breathing deeply and trying to calm himself down... I sat down on the outside of his cage and pleaded with him (what is my problem?), I talked to him as though he were an adult (what is my problem?) and then carried on to ask the most surprising question of all,

"Ben, do you want a diaper back on?"  I was willing to go back to diapers in a heart beat so that we could start all over again and figure out what was triggering this uncontrollable, almost psychotic, behavior.  I wasn't necessarily buying into the thought that he wasn't 'ready' for this... but I wasn't sure.  I HAD put Lora Jensen on quite the pedestal BUT it was not unfounded!  I had done my research and watched as many other Moms (yes, even Moms I know) claim this as a tried and true method - I myself was one of them!  So what was it that was driving me to such drastic measures in the last moments of such a long ordeal?  Ben quietly came from his cage without a nod or a shake... he hugged me and I walked him to the garage where I had the 'garbage bag' of diapers (saved for Claire-bear).  I turned on the garage light and opened the bag as though I was about to reveal 10 million dollars in ransom money.  I pulled out the diaper and said, 'here Ben... do you want me to put this back on?'  I said it in such a loving, soft tone as though I was apologizing for the past three days.  (what is my problem?)

Ben started frowning an almost-crying frown and clutched onto his big boy Spiderman underwear.  He shook his head and pointed at the diaper... he started to back away, holding with both hands now onto his big boy Spiderman underwear...  I was absolutely shocked.  And then it hit me.  And it hit me hard.  He didn't care about the potty training or the toilet; he didn't care about the accidents or the expectations put on him; he didn't care about me sticking to him like fly-paper and repeating my stupid-self every three minutes 'tell Mommy when you need to go potty!'

He cared that he wasn't being loved on in a Godly manner.  He cared that he had no idea where the boundaries were anymore and he was unable, in his childishness, to figure out that these three days of 'no discipline' (aka, no physical discipline and therefore, in our home, no Godly call to obedience and, in turn, no expectations for how to operate) were meant to foster love and patience and calmness.  In the 3 Day Potty Training Method she suggests that you not 'discipline' during these three days.  That these three days are to be without 'time outs' (don't know that the Schei kids have ever had a time out), no punishment or the like.  They're supposed to be full of love and devotion and fun.  I bought into it... but I bought into it as a parent who uses discipline and punishment to merely control behavior.  Not as a parent who uses discipline as a tool to correct the hearts of my children.  Benjamin's heart, in the midst of disobedience, even whilst potty training - whether or not it was related to the potty training per se - was still disobedience and HE was expecting to be disciplined as such... but because his Mom 'read a book' he was beginning to find gray areas everywhere and things were getting murky.  Things were getting confusing.  And he was terrified.

Proverbs 15:5 - A fool spurns his father's discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.  *synonyms for prudence are discretion, foresight, forethought and circumspection.  Totally necessary during these three days -- Ben could have used these.
Proverbs 29:17 - Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.  Peace and delight to my soul these last three days?  No.  Quite honestly?  No again.
Hebrew 12:6 - because the Lord disciplines those he loves and punishes everyone he accepts as a son.
Revelations 3:19 - Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline...

Ugh!  I am SO DENSE, World!  Where would my son be today if I had been obedient to the call GOD has had on me as a Mother of Katie, Will and Ben over the recent 3 days?  I cannot say for sure that Ben wouldn't be dropping his junk in his drawers but I can say for sure that he'd be excited to see what it is I'm trying to teach him... he'd be trusting my every move and anticipating the love that awaits.

Day #4 begins tomorrow... and I will be doing things a little different.  I am humbled - not by my un-potty trained child but by my lack of listening to the Holy Spirit.  By the ease I went from Bible to book; by the confidence I held in doing my own thing and not adhering to obedience to Him; by just being me and not trying to be Him.

Ben... tomorrow you will be disciplined and your heart will be the higher priority of my day.

If you pee in the potty you will get an M&M... if you poop in the potty - goodness Ben, I will run through the streets in my old prom dress singing things like 'Fields of Gold' and doing the Macarena. 

What do you think son?