Another day, another dollar gone.

Last Thursday I watched as our van was loaded onto the back of a flat-bed tow truck. Considering we were hoping to have it returned on Tuesday, at the latest, today being Thursday and we are still out a vehicle causes for some added concern. We are leaving town first thing Sunday morning for the Oregon Coast and it is my desire to have all the i's dotted and t's crossed at least 24 hours before leaving... we'll see if I'm able to accomplish that and whether or not AAMCO can deliver on their promises - considering that few returned calls and pushing off the final installation is par for the course, I'm trying to keep my standards low and my hopes high.

Yesterday was a day of ups and downs - Benjamin danced unlike he's danced in days; he was able to drink multiple Instant Breakfasts in lieu of his regular mega-consumption of cereal, yogurt, toast and fruit; Benjamin was tired and his lack of food has not only dropped him about 4 lbs. in 5 days but its also began to make him very angry; Kyle had a discouraging day at work due to no fault of his own -- I believe his exact words were, 'I'm about to get really drunk and burn down my industry...' now if you know Kyle, you know he's a rather thoughtful and realistic individual - he doesn't often get ruffled to a point that results in such drastic measures to solve a problem; our van needed an extra $500 to get it to working order and just may need another $400 part when all is said and done; Ben still doesn't talk which drives me to drinking; and last but not least, Prison Break has 4 Seasons and my heart can hardly stand the suspense as it is...

This morning's verse during our devotional time was from Ephesians - do not let the sun go down on your wrath.  It was wonderfully appropriate for my children as Katie is getting more and more dramatic about the dramatic drama in her dramatic life and its usually dramatically relayed to Kyle and I at the bedtime hour when she can't sleep because 'so and so said something hurtful to me earlier this week and I just can't stop THINKING ABOUT IT!'  She says this in disgust as though there's a tiny little cloud following her around constantly trying to make her life a living hell and there is absolutely no hope left.  Oh what I could teach her about a hard day... Truth be told, those conversations have been some of the most revealing to Kyle and I about what God is doing in her heart -- its amazing and I'm so thankful for His grace on her little life.  He is revealing Himself to her and she sees it - though a little foggy at times.

What was more appropriate for me was the Psalms scripture they took us to at the beginning of the devotional time:

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; ...

Over the recent months, my heart has been drawn to live closer to my family and I've wondered off and on what that may look like.  For years it was never a consideration and it just so happens that its not such a crazy idea after all... but what would that look like?  What's been so good in and through these conversations with Kyle is the challenge to separate myself from an 'idea' of what I thought things would look like for our family of five -- don't get me wrong, we have never and will likely never live the predictable life that sometimes I wish we had... its just not in our cards, I'm afraid.  Does it sound dreamy?  Yes.  Does it sound like something that would bring us peace?  No.  So beyond the desire to move to Eastern WA is a greater desire to 'commit my way to the Lord' and 'wait patiently for him' -- I want our debt to be gone, I wish my kids could play outside more, I'd like to see my side of the family as much as possible and it'd be awesome if all of that could be partnered with an income for Kyle through another job that he loves -- it has been such a blessing having him in an industry that keeps his mind sharp and his relational side tapped into... if only the economy would comply.

See?  So many thoughts... no conclusions other than what God has promised in His Word to do if we simply 'commit our ways to Him'.  Today I will work on that... and I know come the end of the day I will be fulfilled and the desires of my heart will be met - a loving husband that I'm attracted to and want to be with, three beautiful children that are healthy and a Father who is sure to keep His promises - because the world comes up short.