Living according to the Spirit.

'Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to *God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.'
*God's law speaks to Jesus Christ and justification found in Him. The original law passed down by the priests set rules by which the people must obey to please God, yet perfection by obedience to those rules was unattainable (Romans 3:23). God brought us a better Law in Jesus Christ. Our obedience now is this: 'That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord", and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.'

**** rewind to New Year's Eve ****

Kyle and I's dear friends, Mark and Rebecca, recently moved to Charlotte, NC. I was honored, to say the least, when they called last night to say that they would prefer to spend their time ringing in the New Year talking with Kyle and I over Skype.

... with a cigarette in hand.

I cannot begin to tell you how much I enjoy a cigarette now and then. Honestly, I've narrowed it down to Parliament lights and would rather smoke nothing at all than any other brand. Its not unusual that we have a pack around the house for moments when our social-smoker-friends inhabit our Schei Chalet. But when the box is gone, its gone. And we forget about it until the next opportunity arises. We had no 'treats' in the house when Rebecca called to invite us to socialize with them via the world-wide-web so I sent Kyle to the store. To be quite honest, I walked to the couch, hoisted him over my left shoulder like a 190lb. sack of potatoes, walked him to the front door and drop kicked him to his car as I yelled, 'get us some SMOKES! We're SMOKING WITH THE NORDYKES TONIGHT!' (please insert Bruce of Finding Nemo voice here, helpful hint: 'WE'RE HAVING FISH TONIGHT!') I shook my hands off as I walked back inside and donkey-kicked the door closed. I strutted back to the kitchen staring at the miscellaneous drawer as if to say, 'you've been smokeless for awhile and THAT is about to change.'

We spent THREE hours on Skype with the Nordykes last night.

Between the living room couch and the back porch we made it like old times... it was nostalgic and absolutely wonderful. We spoke of Mark's work, Kyle's work, Rebecca's cleavage that Krista doesn't have, our childrens' shows of drama and lack of ability to be obedient all the time; we spoke of new homes and floor plans, God's desire for their house hunt and their time in prayer as they sought the best home for their family; we sipped wine and beer while they sipped hot cocoa laced with peppermint schnapps, smoked cigarettes and laughed until we laughed at ourselves laughing.

It was wonderful and even in this moment that I find myself in with the Lord, I'm not confident I would change a thing.

**** New Year's morning ****

The first rustle I heard was around 7:15am (could've been earlier but I don't usually care enough to remember - everything's locked, kids can last a couple days at least without food or water, there are no knives in their room and worst case scenario I tell them that they can have donuts if they go back to sleep.)

William was the first to climb into bed and ask if it was time to get up. I looked at the clock blaring 'SEVEN FIFTEEN' and told him we had 15 more minutes as I pulled the comforting around us both. He quietly moped and said, 'ok...' and laid awake until it was time to wake up. By that time, Ben was yelling 'ah-duh!' (all done) from his big boy bed and William was chomping at the bit for a bite of peanut butter toast and milk. Kyle graciously accepted my plea to get up with the kids so I could sleep in and an hour later I was greeted with a lovely soft hand on my cheek whispering that I was going to get 'breakfast in bed'... I slowly opened my eyes and smiled, the desire to stay asleep faded as I saw Katie's sweet smile. The boys, in their boyness ran into the room, leapt on the bed and Kyle brought up the rear carefully carrying a tray loaded with coffee, Cranberry Juice, peanut butter toast, and a pistachio-cranberry biscotti dipped in chocolate. I, like an old lady, pulled myself to a seated position and rested back on a couple pillows. I accepted the tray into my lap and took a deep breath... everyone watched in anticipation to see how much I would enjoy this. It was a wonderful Mom moment. Everyone was caring about someone other than themselves and it made me smile with absolute bliss! All Glory to God!

I finished the tray of food and cautiously asked Kyle if he wouldn't mind getting me a 'hot spot' on my coffee and my bible which was in my purse downstairs. He lovingly said 'you bet!' and left the room. I sat in awe of my family and reveled in the moment as Jesus revealed Himself to me. And I began to remember my smoking last night... I was anxious to dive into scripture and see what He wanted to say to me.

I began reading in Romans 8, verse 1 - hot cup of coffee in hand, comforter around me and the morning's storminess coming in through the window. It was relaxing and was such a gracious moment from the Lord - He was making it easy for me to find Him and I gave Him thanks in that moment. Katie curled up beside me and asked if we could find the same 'story' in her bible... she jumped off the bed, spun around the doorway and peeled out down the hall in search for her bible. She and I read the story of Saul on the road to Damascus and his interaction with Jesus, his being blinded for three days, and his interaction with Ananias which all together brought him to belief in Jesus Christ. He was before a proud person; aware of his 'good actions' but he was a mean person also! Selfish, only thinking of himself and feeding off the desires that are birthed out of our human nature. I then read my version to Katie and it all 'clicked' for her, she said...

'Oh!' with eyes wide open and hands dramatically telling a story in front of her, 'So Saul was doing things that his own self wanted to do and the one telling him that he was good was only him and not Jesus. So he wasn't thinking about what Jesus would want him to do, he was thinking about what his body wanted him to do.' She paused and took a deep breath as if to say, 'you understand, Mom?' I smiled and we spent the next 30 minutes discussing different matters. She understood that the grace God brought to Saul through Ananias was not unlike her not getting a discipline when she really deserves one. She said that sometimes I 'give her grace' even though she was disobedient. We talked about what it looks like when God's grace comes into someone's life and from that moment on they 'see things differently' - which took some explanation... but not without reward! She lit up! And we ended our time praying with one another. She's coming to understand more and more the gravity of what it means to not accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour and it brings me pure joy to see the Spirit move in her.

And now, as I reread the scripture before me with respect to my enjoying a cigarette now and again, I'm really wrestling. I know there are divided perspectives on this - just as there is with anything it seems! Tattoos, cigarettes, alcohol, tight clothes, television, secular music, etc.

I just want to continue in a place where I know the heart of Jesus and can walk in accordance with the Spirit. Will a smoke here and there interfere with that? Not sure.

I do know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. That I deserve nothing except death because of who I am apart from Him. That through my declaration of Him as Lord in my life and my belief that God raised Jesus from the dead, I am saved (again, Romans 10:9.)

As I wrap up this post, I feel as though I'm cheating myself out of 'right relationship with God' and instead trying to find ways of justifying my behavior. The thing is, there is nothing other than a bunch of Christian cliches running through my head as to why this would be the case... sometimes I think Kyle had it easier growing up in a non-Christian home. He got to identify to the saving grace of Jesus Christ aside from all the religiosity involved... and now he comes to the table with a Truth that has been, for the most part, built from reading scripture, seeking wise counsel and prayer. I am sifting through the murkiness of Christian culture to find out what's based on Jesus and what's based on our own human desire to fulfill a 'law'... ugh!

God is good. He continues to reveal Himself to me.