boy its late... yet if i pass up these silent moments...
who knows.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
SATurday.
The day began at 7am (about 45 minutes before it usually does) with the two older kids asking too many questions, whining about being in pain or being hungry or the like. By that time, Benjamin woke up and began wailing from his crib. I ordered the older kids to take their quiet-time-in-the-morning-so-that-Mom-and-Dad-can-keep-sleeping into their bedroom so that Benjamin could be entertained whilst corralled in his crib. And in return, the 7:35am on the clock would soon turn to 8:30am and I would be ready to start my day.
Not so. Questions came and went; the pitter-patter of little feet pounded holes in my sleepy head and I was angrier than a banchy. Couldn't these little minds contemplate the idea of obedience at one of the most CRUCIAL TIMES OF THE DAY?
At the sound of Benjamin falling out of the crib, I slowly pulled the covers back (he was crying; and therefore, breathing), pulled off my husband's boxers from around my sore hips and butt which was a feat in and of itself, a result of running 4+ miles yesterday after not running for months, and slipped on my favorite pair of faded blue PINK Victoria Secret sweats. I threw on my grey GAP zip-up hoodie and walked out of the room... I slipped past Benjamin as he stood at the side of my bed, casually signaled to Katie and William as I went past their door 'I'm going downstairs now' and, in pain, winced with each step down. Upon hitting the hardwood floors I was instantly frustrated to another level -- I do NOT like not having my flip flops on... and I don't know where I left them last night. I didn't know what to do first:
- start the steel cut oats
- get the kids a piece of toast
- make a pot of coffee
- find my flip flops
- clear last nights 'snack' dishes from the coffee table
- empty the dishwasher
- wipe the dirty counter
... and on and on. Not all rational, of course.
What was that? Oh! You're wondering where my husband is? He's got the stomach flu and is sick in bed upstairs... which entitles him to breakfast in bed. Its how we roll in our family. It is never the sick-ee that feels entitled, its the children that have made the 'assumed' rule. I'm afraid I shot that one down soon after the second item on my list was accomplished... I NEEDED my flip flops and I didn't have much of a benevolent spirit at the moment.
The kids could sense that Mom was not feeling so excited about life this morning. They were beginning to understand that their morning party had just as much of an affect on Mom as it did on them - disciplines ensued after disobedience. They're little bums were feeling quite the affect. And no, I did not discipline them in anger -- although I wasn't smiling, that's for sure.
The morning continued and everyone lived. Although, come 5:12pm, I have yet to take a shower, I'm hobbling from one place to the next and have coffee on my breath. My hair is a sight to behold and my bra is still on the floor upstairs.
Its not a great day... but its not a bad day. Its just a day. A day where the little things get to me that usually don't, but a day where I'm able to contain myself from breaking a window. I haven't smiled a lot but I haven't yelled either. I haven't showered yet but I have done the laundry and vacuumed the entire upstairs. I haven't dressed the kids but I have changed diapers and wiped bums. I plan to bath everyone tonight in hopes of laying ourselves to bed with BIG HOPES on the horizon...
Tomorrow is a new day.
Not so. Questions came and went; the pitter-patter of little feet pounded holes in my sleepy head and I was angrier than a banchy. Couldn't these little minds contemplate the idea of obedience at one of the most CRUCIAL TIMES OF THE DAY?
At the sound of Benjamin falling out of the crib, I slowly pulled the covers back (he was crying; and therefore, breathing), pulled off my husband's boxers from around my sore hips and butt which was a feat in and of itself, a result of running 4+ miles yesterday after not running for months, and slipped on my favorite pair of faded blue PINK Victoria Secret sweats. I threw on my grey GAP zip-up hoodie and walked out of the room... I slipped past Benjamin as he stood at the side of my bed, casually signaled to Katie and William as I went past their door 'I'm going downstairs now' and, in pain, winced with each step down. Upon hitting the hardwood floors I was instantly frustrated to another level -- I do NOT like not having my flip flops on... and I don't know where I left them last night. I didn't know what to do first:
- start the steel cut oats
- get the kids a piece of toast
- make a pot of coffee
- find my flip flops
- clear last nights 'snack' dishes from the coffee table
- empty the dishwasher
- wipe the dirty counter
... and on and on. Not all rational, of course.
What was that? Oh! You're wondering where my husband is? He's got the stomach flu and is sick in bed upstairs... which entitles him to breakfast in bed. Its how we roll in our family. It is never the sick-ee that feels entitled, its the children that have made the 'assumed' rule. I'm afraid I shot that one down soon after the second item on my list was accomplished... I NEEDED my flip flops and I didn't have much of a benevolent spirit at the moment.
The kids could sense that Mom was not feeling so excited about life this morning. They were beginning to understand that their morning party had just as much of an affect on Mom as it did on them - disciplines ensued after disobedience. They're little bums were feeling quite the affect. And no, I did not discipline them in anger -- although I wasn't smiling, that's for sure.
The morning continued and everyone lived. Although, come 5:12pm, I have yet to take a shower, I'm hobbling from one place to the next and have coffee on my breath. My hair is a sight to behold and my bra is still on the floor upstairs.
Its not a great day... but its not a bad day. Its just a day. A day where the little things get to me that usually don't, but a day where I'm able to contain myself from breaking a window. I haven't smiled a lot but I haven't yelled either. I haven't showered yet but I have done the laundry and vacuumed the entire upstairs. I haven't dressed the kids but I have changed diapers and wiped bums. I plan to bath everyone tonight in hopes of laying ourselves to bed with BIG HOPES on the horizon...
Tomorrow is a new day.
If you'd like to LAUGH. Possibly wet yourself.
Go to hulu.com and search for Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis and watch some episodes. If you are sensitive and/or easily offended and/or you are partial to feeling awkward during awkward silences, this is not for you.
But you will be disappointed for having not ever witnessed.
But you will be disappointed for having not ever witnessed.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Haiti... its not so relative after all.
God could call me, my husband and children to Haiti. He could. Katie, William and Benjamin's bodies could be among the thousands of children crushed by the rubble. It would not be outside of God's character to put our family through this - and do I find myself humbled because I do not live in Haiti? Do I base my daily decisions around finding Him and what He's doing? He COULD call me, Kyle and the kids to Haiti.
But He hasn't.
I've spent many conversations with friends as of late repeating 'its all relative'. What WE go through here in our Mill Creek/S. Everett lives can be 'hard' sometimes, even if it means that we are leagues away from the devastation in Haiti and/or other countries out there. Now those words are being wrestled with... it doesn't seem so relative anymore. My children are alive. Another mother's children are dead.
My children arrived home to a beautiful home - 2115 sq. feet, 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths + den, 5 piece master bath, french doors throughout and walk-in closets. Its new, there's a 'house for my car' attached, and the staircase is rather grand, if I do say so myself.
The reason we have this is because God didn't call us to someplace else. We have lived here and had people live with us, stay with us, commune with us and enjoy the camaraderie that's built when families live together, break bread together and seek Jesus together. We do believe that this is where He wants us.
He hasn't called us to Haiti.
The last few nights I've walked into Katie, William and Benjamin's room and watched them while they slept. This image will be an image that I hold onto as I watch the overwhelming devastation taking place around us.
In Ephesians 2 it talks about being 'One in Christ'. As Kyle, the kids and I seek Jesus alone, with other people in community, we're finding that the desires of our hearts are changing drastically. Each of us is being called to a higher level of accountability and its no longer giving ear to what the 'next best things is' to own BUT instead its solely based around where God would have us 'at this moment.' Does He want us to buy another loaf of bread today or do we go home and make our own? Does He want us to do puzzles on the floor or watch a cartoon? Is He calling me to do crafts with Katie or is He calling me to see to my laundry upstairs? Though these thoughts seem rather arbitrary and inefficient, they're not to the Lord.
In Ephesians 2 it speaks to this heart that the Lord is growing in me: 'For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.'
I live in my world of stay-at-home Moms, Gymboree children and full-time working fathers. Its a fog to wade through when looking to see Christ. He's easily lost in the midst of comfort and our need for Him only diminishes because we find less dependency on Him for life's necessities - (we pray for the 'futile' things, no? its not bad, its only bad if we don't recognize it.) But what we aren't made aware of on a daily basis, whether through our spiritual leaders or our close friends 'in Christ', is that our tendency to walk with our heads held high and our children healthy and at our side is appalling to those living in the dirt and praying for God's mercy to uncover their childrens' bodies from the rubble.
Sometimes I want Him to call me to Haiti so that I'm not blinded by the comfort of this world. In the mere three hours without electricity, I watched my children find more joy in Godly things than when things were comfortable.
God showed up in those moments and it is that that I want to cling to.
But He hasn't.
I've spent many conversations with friends as of late repeating 'its all relative'. What WE go through here in our Mill Creek/S. Everett lives can be 'hard' sometimes, even if it means that we are leagues away from the devastation in Haiti and/or other countries out there. Now those words are being wrestled with... it doesn't seem so relative anymore. My children are alive. Another mother's children are dead.
My children arrived home to a beautiful home - 2115 sq. feet, 4 bedrooms, 2.5 baths + den, 5 piece master bath, french doors throughout and walk-in closets. Its new, there's a 'house for my car' attached, and the staircase is rather grand, if I do say so myself.
The reason we have this is because God didn't call us to someplace else. We have lived here and had people live with us, stay with us, commune with us and enjoy the camaraderie that's built when families live together, break bread together and seek Jesus together. We do believe that this is where He wants us.
He hasn't called us to Haiti.
The last few nights I've walked into Katie, William and Benjamin's room and watched them while they slept. This image will be an image that I hold onto as I watch the overwhelming devastation taking place around us.
In Ephesians 2 it talks about being 'One in Christ'. As Kyle, the kids and I seek Jesus alone, with other people in community, we're finding that the desires of our hearts are changing drastically. Each of us is being called to a higher level of accountability and its no longer giving ear to what the 'next best things is' to own BUT instead its solely based around where God would have us 'at this moment.' Does He want us to buy another loaf of bread today or do we go home and make our own? Does He want us to do puzzles on the floor or watch a cartoon? Is He calling me to do crafts with Katie or is He calling me to see to my laundry upstairs? Though these thoughts seem rather arbitrary and inefficient, they're not to the Lord.
In Ephesians 2 it speaks to this heart that the Lord is growing in me: 'For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.'
I live in my world of stay-at-home Moms, Gymboree children and full-time working fathers. Its a fog to wade through when looking to see Christ. He's easily lost in the midst of comfort and our need for Him only diminishes because we find less dependency on Him for life's necessities - (we pray for the 'futile' things, no? its not bad, its only bad if we don't recognize it.) But what we aren't made aware of on a daily basis, whether through our spiritual leaders or our close friends 'in Christ', is that our tendency to walk with our heads held high and our children healthy and at our side is appalling to those living in the dirt and praying for God's mercy to uncover their childrens' bodies from the rubble.
Sometimes I want Him to call me to Haiti so that I'm not blinded by the comfort of this world. In the mere three hours without electricity, I watched my children find more joy in Godly things than when things were comfortable.
God showed up in those moments and it is that that I want to cling to.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Arriving home... and other details.
Tonight Kyle and I stared relentlessly into the night spreading out in front of the van as we made our way home from Eastern Washington. We were only a handful of miles from home when the kids were losing it. Katie and William had to have their lights turned off so they couldn't recognize the ugly faces they were making at each other, Ben needed to be ignored as he sat in restlessness in his seat and I had to either stare into the abyss ahead, willing the street to move faster beneath us for fear that the van may spontaneously explode or play Word Warp on my iPhone in hopes of 'losing track of time'.
We pulled onto our street and all the kids quieted down. Katie started jumping excitedly in her seat yelling, 'we're home! we're home! we're home!' It was music to my ears and I do believe all of us were grinning in relief as we pulled into the dark, unlit drive. I knew it would be cold inside as the heat's been off for days but in a short time the kids would be asleep in THEIR beds and Kyle and I would be back to finding a rhythm of finding a rhythm (about all the consistency you can ask for with three ever-changing children.)
Kyle put the van in park and we quickly began our unraveling of kids and baggage... but only seconds into our 'process' Kyle stopped short. We ALWAYS unlock the door, turn on the outside lights and begin unloading children, sleep items and garbage. The kids run into the house and begin their decompression of being away from home and melting back into their respective roles. Its always a wonderful moment... no matter the time of day or night it happens.
But tonight was different. It was nearing the kids' bedtime and Kyle opened the door, flipped the switch for the outside lights and
NOTHING.
It took him a moment to realize the NOTICE on the door and see it was from the PUD. It was a notice explaining that they had shut off the power to the house and there would be, at the most, a $150 service call fee for an electrician to come out and reconnect it.
It was pitch dark outside, I stared at him across the driver's side seat from where I was sitting and I just felt my stomach drop. There was no power to the house. We had the heat OFF while we were away for 10 days and the WARNINGS we would have received came during our time away. I jumped out of the van and around the backside, baby in arms and looked at Kyle with whatever amount of hope I could, 'what's going on?' He laughed under his breath and said, 'they shut off our power. We have no electricity. The bill didn't get paid.' His laugh wasn't a laugh of comedy, it was a laugh of astonishment and disbelief. Had this not JUST HAPPENED with our water bill for the first time ever two weeks ago, it wouldn't be so unbelievable. I took a deep breath and walked around the back of the van again, jumped in the passenger's side door and began staring at the fence in front of me. I was perplexed - not as much angry as I knew that in God's grace I was able to find the ability to function without killing my husband and that would mean finding it in me to 'survive' without electricity for the night.
"Kids find the flashlights in the car, turn them on and let's get in the house." They jumped from their seats and began searching the piles of luggage for the mini-flashlights. "Katie, I need you to walk inside with me so I can locate Daddy's big flashlight. We'll begin unloading the bags and... "
"Ok Mom! This is actually really fun!" God bless her heart. The boys were getting giddy to be home and the idea of 'flashlights in the dark' will get most any boy skipping a little faster, no?! As Kyle paced to the end of the driveway and back while on the phone with the Emergency PUD number, I began pulling our 'schei-load of stuff' in from the car and setting it inside the front door.
It was 53 degrees. (yes I used my meat thermometer - which works well on pork, chicken, beef, human armpits, and as I discovered last night, still air.)
The kids sat at the counter and played whilst Kyle and I talked about the plan of action. The PUD could do nothing for us on Sundays and Holidays. Considering 'tonight' was the Saturday prior to Martin Luther King Day, we would be without power until 8am on Tuesday morning. At the moment I discovered we would have no power for 2.5 days I had nothing left in me -- I had no category for tears or anger or resentment or fear... I only had a surreal form of 'survival mode'. It was as though I was in slow motion. No, it was as though I had called a 'TIME OUT', not unlike Zack Morris, and began filing through all the options in my head. The Kalous home was a sure bet, the hotels in the area were cheap but not appealing (I'd rather sleep in a bed with my entire family keeping each other warm for 2 nights than pay money to be piled into a one room with no food other than the ice machine down the hall), the idea of going to a my in-laws on Bainbridge was a possibility but rather tedious considering the time of night and the idea of going to an expensive hotel just didn't make sense considering our power was shut off due to a bill not getting paid - which I would soon be getting to the bottom of, but for now, I was just wanting to... wanting to... I don't know. Wake up. Realize my house was warm and the PUD was simply a band of villains in another crazy dream?!
Than Kyle's phone rang. All I heard was Kyle speaking with overt humility as he described the 'dark house at the end of the street'. The PUD dispatcher had called and informed us that he had pleaded our case to the Owner. There would be a gentleman called 'into work' to reconnect our power if we were able to pay $150 above our current outstanding bill.
No problem. It wasn't a lack of money, it was a lack of time management. Prior to a long vacation, the home front needs to be in good working order and should be able to sustain itself until we arrive home! Kyle, admittedly, had not given enough care to those details due to working way too much and owning things that he wasn't being asked by God to own. And as a result, the people he loved dearly were suffering.
Our power was hooked back up and everything was as it should be.
But in the moments of the outage... God showed up.
I cannot wait to tell you about that.
Here's a hint:
We pulled onto our street and all the kids quieted down. Katie started jumping excitedly in her seat yelling, 'we're home! we're home! we're home!' It was music to my ears and I do believe all of us were grinning in relief as we pulled into the dark, unlit drive. I knew it would be cold inside as the heat's been off for days but in a short time the kids would be asleep in THEIR beds and Kyle and I would be back to finding a rhythm of finding a rhythm (about all the consistency you can ask for with three ever-changing children.)
Kyle put the van in park and we quickly began our unraveling of kids and baggage... but only seconds into our 'process' Kyle stopped short. We ALWAYS unlock the door, turn on the outside lights and begin unloading children, sleep items and garbage. The kids run into the house and begin their decompression of being away from home and melting back into their respective roles. Its always a wonderful moment... no matter the time of day or night it happens.
But tonight was different. It was nearing the kids' bedtime and Kyle opened the door, flipped the switch for the outside lights and
NOTHING.
It took him a moment to realize the NOTICE on the door and see it was from the PUD. It was a notice explaining that they had shut off the power to the house and there would be, at the most, a $150 service call fee for an electrician to come out and reconnect it.It was pitch dark outside, I stared at him across the driver's side seat from where I was sitting and I just felt my stomach drop. There was no power to the house. We had the heat OFF while we were away for 10 days and the WARNINGS we would have received came during our time away. I jumped out of the van and around the backside, baby in arms and looked at Kyle with whatever amount of hope I could, 'what's going on?' He laughed under his breath and said, 'they shut off our power. We have no electricity. The bill didn't get paid.' His laugh wasn't a laugh of comedy, it was a laugh of astonishment and disbelief. Had this not JUST HAPPENED with our water bill for the first time ever two weeks ago, it wouldn't be so unbelievable. I took a deep breath and walked around the back of the van again, jumped in the passenger's side door and began staring at the fence in front of me. I was perplexed - not as much angry as I knew that in God's grace I was able to find the ability to function without killing my husband and that would mean finding it in me to 'survive' without electricity for the night.
"Kids find the flashlights in the car, turn them on and let's get in the house." They jumped from their seats and began searching the piles of luggage for the mini-flashlights. "Katie, I need you to walk inside with me so I can locate Daddy's big flashlight. We'll begin unloading the bags and... "
"Ok Mom! This is actually really fun!" God bless her heart. The boys were getting giddy to be home and the idea of 'flashlights in the dark' will get most any boy skipping a little faster, no?! As Kyle paced to the end of the driveway and back while on the phone with the Emergency PUD number, I began pulling our 'schei-load of stuff' in from the car and setting it inside the front door.
It was 53 degrees. (yes I used my meat thermometer - which works well on pork, chicken, beef, human armpits, and as I discovered last night, still air.)The kids sat at the counter and played whilst Kyle and I talked about the plan of action. The PUD could do nothing for us on Sundays and Holidays. Considering 'tonight' was the Saturday prior to Martin Luther King Day, we would be without power until 8am on Tuesday morning. At the moment I discovered we would have no power for 2.5 days I had nothing left in me -- I had no category for tears or anger or resentment or fear... I only had a surreal form of 'survival mode'. It was as though I was in slow motion. No, it was as though I had called a 'TIME OUT', not unlike Zack Morris, and began filing through all the options in my head. The Kalous home was a sure bet, the hotels in the area were cheap but not appealing (I'd rather sleep in a bed with my entire family keeping each other warm for 2 nights than pay money to be piled into a one room with no food other than the ice machine down the hall), the idea of going to a my in-laws on Bainbridge was a possibility but rather tedious considering the time of night and the idea of going to an expensive hotel just didn't make sense considering our power was shut off due to a bill not getting paid - which I would soon be getting to the bottom of, but for now, I was just wanting to... wanting to... I don't know. Wake up. Realize my house was warm and the PUD was simply a band of villains in another crazy dream?!
Than Kyle's phone rang. All I heard was Kyle speaking with overt humility as he described the 'dark house at the end of the street'. The PUD dispatcher had called and informed us that he had pleaded our case to the Owner. There would be a gentleman called 'into work' to reconnect our power if we were able to pay $150 above our current outstanding bill.
No problem. It wasn't a lack of money, it was a lack of time management. Prior to a long vacation, the home front needs to be in good working order and should be able to sustain itself until we arrive home! Kyle, admittedly, had not given enough care to those details due to working way too much and owning things that he wasn't being asked by God to own. And as a result, the people he loved dearly were suffering.
Our power was hooked back up and everything was as it should be.
But in the moments of the outage... God showed up.
I cannot wait to tell you about that.
Here's a hint:
Thursday, January 14, 2010
This Week in Pictures
Kyle, the kids and I traveled across the mountains with Geoff, Jennifer and their new baby boy, Isaac Barclay last Wednesday. They flew in from Cleveland and we were excited to have them fresh off the plane - its always so exciting to have the 'out of towners' in town and not to mention, A BRAND NEW BABY. We came to spend our 'Berges Christmas' with the rest of my family: Mom and Dad, Hannah and Dave, Les and Emma (my younger brother and his wife and their 15 month old daughter.)
Emma Nicole Berges, 15 months old
Isaac Barclay Berges, 3 months old (aka, iBar)
With chunky highlights and 4 less inches on my hair, I feel new and fresh...
Katie's has yet to go a day without mentioning how much she 'misses her friends'...
Emma's bedhead
Just a little bit of drama makes the outing better - just love this pic, she's talking dramatically about something... I just don't remember.
Couldn't pass up the bright green water fountain in the middle of a greenless park (aka, field)... it was actually rather beautiful.
The kiddos at Columbia Park - walking toward the Waterfollies Hydroplane Statue. They had never seen a hydro before...
Picture taken for Grandpa Berges - he loves the hydro races and he loves his grandchildren even more.
**Coming up are a series of shots where Katie was trying to lift the boys' spirits. They had HAD IT with walking across open fields, looking into the sunshine, seeing Mom with a camera glued to her face; they were hungry, tired and beginning to get rather angry. They both decided to plop themselves down in the middle of the open field and exclaim, 'I'M NOT WALKING ANYMORE!' (or as Benjamin would say, 'guh guh guh GUUUUHHH!' with a high pitched scream and cry). It was so cute and priceless (not to mention I'm continuing to practice shooting in FULL SUN) that I had to take a picture - or two...
... more to come over the next couple of days.
Emma Nicole Berges, 15 months old
Isaac Barclay Berges, 3 months old (aka, iBar)
With chunky highlights and 4 less inches on my hair, I feel new and fresh...
Katie's has yet to go a day without mentioning how much she 'misses her friends'...
Emma's bedhead
Just a little bit of drama makes the outing better - just love this pic, she's talking dramatically about something... I just don't remember.
Couldn't pass up the bright green water fountain in the middle of a greenless park (aka, field)... it was actually rather beautiful.
The kiddos at Columbia Park - walking toward the Waterfollies Hydroplane Statue. They had never seen a hydro before...
Picture taken for Grandpa Berges - he loves the hydro races and he loves his grandchildren even more.
**Coming up are a series of shots where Katie was trying to lift the boys' spirits. They had HAD IT with walking across open fields, looking into the sunshine, seeing Mom with a camera glued to her face; they were hungry, tired and beginning to get rather angry. They both decided to plop themselves down in the middle of the open field and exclaim, 'I'M NOT WALKING ANYMORE!' (or as Benjamin would say, 'guh guh guh GUUUUHHH!' with a high pitched scream and cry). It was so cute and priceless (not to mention I'm continuing to practice shooting in FULL SUN) that I had to take a picture - or two...
... more to come over the next couple of days.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
My time here.
Early this morning, I stretched my legs, took a deep breath, cracked my knuckles and rose from my Dad's light brown leather recliner. Emma was in the living room and I just imagined her pictured on the front lawn with her crazy bed-head, colorful pajamas and Katie's brown boots. The lighting was great and I was anxious to dust off my camera case, unzip it and pull out my d300s -- in the throws of my needing to decide on what my 'workflow' would look like, I have been hesitant in shooting any more due to my need to sift through the pile o' pics that I've taken thus far.
Thousands.
Hundreds that are really worth the room on my hard drive.
But THIS moment was worth it. She was dressed in her pajamas from the long night's slumber, walking around in pure satisfaction from the deep sleep she had and smiling at every turn... little did she know what her hair looked like.
Soon I will have my workflow under 'working' order (imagine that) and I will post a picture showing you the BACKside of her hair...
This week has been wonderful thus far... I cannot wait to share more.
Thousands.
Hundreds that are really worth the room on my hard drive.
But THIS moment was worth it. She was dressed in her pajamas from the long night's slumber, walking around in pure satisfaction from the deep sleep she had and smiling at every turn... little did she know what her hair looked like.
Soon I will have my workflow under 'working' order (imagine that) and I will post a picture showing you the BACKside of her hair...
This week has been wonderful thus far... I cannot wait to share more.
Friday, January 1, 2010
Living according to the Spirit.
'Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to *God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.'
*God's law speaks to Jesus Christ and justification found in Him. The original law passed down by the priests set rules by which the people must obey to please God, yet perfection by obedience to those rules was unattainable (Romans 3:23). God brought us a better Law in Jesus Christ. Our obedience now is this: 'That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord", and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.'
**** rewind to New Year's Eve ****
Kyle and I's dear friends, Mark and Rebecca, recently moved to Charlotte, NC. I was honored, to say the least, when they called last night to say that they would prefer to spend their time ringing in the New Year talking with Kyle and I over Skype.
... with a cigarette in hand.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I enjoy a cigarette now and then. Honestly, I've narrowed it down to Parliament lights and would rather smoke nothing at all than any other brand. Its not unusual that we have a pack around the house for moments when our social-smoker-friends inhabit our Schei Chalet. But when the box is gone, its gone. And we forget about it until the next opportunity arises. We had no 'treats' in the house when Rebecca called to invite us to socialize with them via the world-wide-web so I sent Kyle to the store. To be quite honest, I walked to the couch, hoisted him over my left shoulder like a 190lb. sack of potatoes, walked him to the front door and drop kicked him to his car as I yelled, 'get us some SMOKES! We're SMOKING WITH THE NORDYKES TONIGHT!' (please insert Bruce of Finding Nemo voice here, helpful hint: 'WE'RE HAVING FISH TONIGHT!') I shook my hands off as I walked back inside and donkey-kicked the door closed. I strutted back to the kitchen staring at the miscellaneous drawer as if to say, 'you've been smokeless for awhile and THAT is about to change.'
We spent THREE hours on Skype with the Nordykes last night.
Between the living room couch and the back porch we made it like old times... it was nostalgic and absolutely wonderful. We spoke of Mark's work, Kyle's work, Rebecca's cleavage that Krista doesn't have, our childrens' shows of drama and lack of ability to be obedient all the time; we spoke of new homes and floor plans, God's desire for their house hunt and their time in prayer as they sought the best home for their family; we sipped wine and beer while they sipped hot cocoa laced with peppermint schnapps, smoked cigarettes and laughed until we laughed at ourselves laughing.
It was wonderful and even in this moment that I find myself in with the Lord, I'm not confident I would change a thing.
**** New Year's morning ****
The first rustle I heard was around 7:15am (could've been earlier but I don't usually care enough to remember - everything's locked, kids can last a couple days at least without food or water, there are no knives in their room and worst case scenario I tell them that they can have donuts if they go back to sleep.)
William was the first to climb into bed and ask if it was time to get up. I looked at the clock blaring 'SEVEN FIFTEEN' and told him we had 15 more minutes as I pulled the comforting around us both. He quietly moped and said, 'ok...' and laid awake until it was time to wake up. By that time, Ben was yelling 'ah-duh!' (all done) from his big boy bed and William was chomping at the bit for a bite of peanut butter toast and milk. Kyle graciously accepted my plea to get up with the kids so I could sleep in and an hour later I was greeted with a lovely soft hand on my cheek whispering that I was going to get 'breakfast in bed'... I slowly opened my eyes and smiled, the desire to stay asleep faded as I saw Katie's sweet smile. The boys, in their boyness ran into the room, leapt on the bed and Kyle brought up the rear carefully carrying a tray loaded with coffee, Cranberry Juice, peanut butter toast, and a pistachio-cranberry biscotti dipped in chocolate. I, like an old lady, pulled myself to a seated position and rested back on a couple pillows. I accepted the tray into my lap and took a deep breath... everyone watched in anticipation to see how much I would enjoy this. It was a wonderful Mom moment. Everyone was caring about someone other than themselves and it made me smile with absolute bliss! All Glory to God!
I finished the tray of food and cautiously asked Kyle if he wouldn't mind getting me a 'hot spot' on my coffee and my bible which was in my purse downstairs. He lovingly said 'you bet!' and left the room. I sat in awe of my family and reveled in the moment as Jesus revealed Himself to me. And I began to remember my smoking last night... I was anxious to dive into scripture and see what He wanted to say to me.
I began reading in Romans 8, verse 1 - hot cup of coffee in hand, comforter around me and the morning's storminess coming in through the window. It was relaxing and was such a gracious moment from the Lord - He was making it easy for me to find Him and I gave Him thanks in that moment.
Katie curled up beside me and asked if we could find the same 'story' in her bible... she jumped off the bed, spun around the doorway and peeled out down the hall in search for her bible. She and I read the story of Saul on the road to Damascus and his interaction with Jesus, his being blinded for three days, and his interaction with Ananias which all together brought him to belief in Jesus Christ. He was before a proud person; aware of his 'good actions' but he was a mean person also! Selfish, only thinking of himself and feeding off the desires that are birthed out of our human nature. I then read my version to Katie and it all 'clicked' for her, she said...
'Oh!' with eyes wide open and hands dramatically telling a story in front of her, 'So Saul was doing things that his own self wanted to do and the one telling him that he was good was only him and not Jesus. So he wasn't thinking about what Jesus would want him to do, he was thinking about what his body wanted him to do.' She paused and took a deep breath as if to say, 'you understand, Mom?' I smiled and we spent the next 30 minutes discussing different matters. She understood that the grace God brought to Saul through Ananias was not unlike her not getting a discipline when she really deserves one. She said that sometimes I 'give her grace' even though she was disobedient. We talked about what it looks like when God's grace comes into someone's life and from that moment on they 'see things differently' - which took some explanation... but not without reward! She lit up! And we ended our time praying with one another. She's coming to understand more and more the gravity of what it means to not accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour and it brings me pure joy to see the Spirit move in her.
And now, as I reread the scripture before me with respect to my enjoying a cigarette now and again, I'm really wrestling. I know there are divided perspectives on this - just as there is with anything it seems! Tattoos, cigarettes, alcohol, tight clothes, television, secular music, etc.
I just want to continue in a place where I know the heart of Jesus and can walk in accordance with the Spirit. Will a smoke here and there interfere with that? Not sure.
I do know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. That I deserve nothing except death because of who I am apart from Him. That through my declaration of Him as Lord in my life and my belief that God raised Jesus from the dead, I am saved (again, Romans 10:9.)
As I wrap up this post, I feel as though I'm cheating myself out of 'right relationship with God' and instead trying to find ways of justifying my behavior. The thing is, there is nothing other than a bunch of Christian cliches running through my head as to why this would be the case... sometimes I think Kyle had it easier growing up in a non-Christian home. He got to identify to the saving grace of Jesus Christ aside from all the religiosity involved... and now he comes to the table with a Truth that has been, for the most part, built from reading scripture, seeking wise counsel and prayer. I am sifting through the murkiness of Christian culture to find out what's based on Jesus and what's based on our own human desire to fulfill a 'law'... ugh!
God is good. He continues to reveal Himself to me.
*God's law speaks to Jesus Christ and justification found in Him. The original law passed down by the priests set rules by which the people must obey to please God, yet perfection by obedience to those rules was unattainable (Romans 3:23). God brought us a better Law in Jesus Christ. Our obedience now is this: 'That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord", and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.'
**** rewind to New Year's Eve ****
Kyle and I's dear friends, Mark and Rebecca, recently moved to Charlotte, NC. I was honored, to say the least, when they called last night to say that they would prefer to spend their time ringing in the New Year talking with Kyle and I over Skype.
... with a cigarette in hand.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I enjoy a cigarette now and then. Honestly, I've narrowed it down to Parliament lights and would rather smoke nothing at all than any other brand. Its not unusual that we have a pack around the house for moments when our social-smoker-friends inhabit our Schei Chalet. But when the box is gone, its gone. And we forget about it until the next opportunity arises. We had no 'treats' in the house when Rebecca called to invite us to socialize with them via the world-wide-web so I sent Kyle to the store. To be quite honest, I walked to the couch, hoisted him over my left shoulder like a 190lb. sack of potatoes, walked him to the front door and drop kicked him to his car as I yelled, 'get us some SMOKES! We're SMOKING WITH THE NORDYKES TONIGHT!' (please insert Bruce of Finding Nemo voice here, helpful hint: 'WE'RE HAVING FISH TONIGHT!') I shook my hands off as I walked back inside and donkey-kicked the door closed. I strutted back to the kitchen staring at the miscellaneous drawer as if to say, 'you've been smokeless for awhile and THAT is about to change.'
We spent THREE hours on Skype with the Nordykes last night.
Between the living room couch and the back porch we made it like old times... it was nostalgic and absolutely wonderful. We spoke of Mark's work, Kyle's work, Rebecca's cleavage that Krista doesn't have, our childrens' shows of drama and lack of ability to be obedient all the time; we spoke of new homes and floor plans, God's desire for their house hunt and their time in prayer as they sought the best home for their family; we sipped wine and beer while they sipped hot cocoa laced with peppermint schnapps, smoked cigarettes and laughed until we laughed at ourselves laughing.
It was wonderful and even in this moment that I find myself in with the Lord, I'm not confident I would change a thing.
**** New Year's morning ****
The first rustle I heard was around 7:15am (could've been earlier but I don't usually care enough to remember - everything's locked, kids can last a couple days at least without food or water, there are no knives in their room and worst case scenario I tell them that they can have donuts if they go back to sleep.)
William was the first to climb into bed and ask if it was time to get up. I looked at the clock blaring 'SEVEN FIFTEEN' and told him we had 15 more minutes as I pulled the comforting around us both. He quietly moped and said, 'ok...' and laid awake until it was time to wake up. By that time, Ben was yelling 'ah-duh!' (all done) from his big boy bed and William was chomping at the bit for a bite of peanut butter toast and milk. Kyle graciously accepted my plea to get up with the kids so I could sleep in and an hour later I was greeted with a lovely soft hand on my cheek whispering that I was going to get 'breakfast in bed'... I slowly opened my eyes and smiled, the desire to stay asleep faded as I saw Katie's sweet smile. The boys, in their boyness ran into the room, leapt on the bed and Kyle brought up the rear carefully carrying a tray loaded with coffee, Cranberry Juice, peanut butter toast, and a pistachio-cranberry biscotti dipped in chocolate. I, like an old lady, pulled myself to a seated position and rested back on a couple pillows. I accepted the tray into my lap and took a deep breath... everyone watched in anticipation to see how much I would enjoy this. It was a wonderful Mom moment. Everyone was caring about someone other than themselves and it made me smile with absolute bliss! All Glory to God!
I finished the tray of food and cautiously asked Kyle if he wouldn't mind getting me a 'hot spot' on my coffee and my bible which was in my purse downstairs. He lovingly said 'you bet!' and left the room. I sat in awe of my family and reveled in the moment as Jesus revealed Himself to me. And I began to remember my smoking last night... I was anxious to dive into scripture and see what He wanted to say to me.
I began reading in Romans 8, verse 1 - hot cup of coffee in hand, comforter around me and the morning's storminess coming in through the window. It was relaxing and was such a gracious moment from the Lord - He was making it easy for me to find Him and I gave Him thanks in that moment.
Katie curled up beside me and asked if we could find the same 'story' in her bible... she jumped off the bed, spun around the doorway and peeled out down the hall in search for her bible. She and I read the story of Saul on the road to Damascus and his interaction with Jesus, his being blinded for three days, and his interaction with Ananias which all together brought him to belief in Jesus Christ. He was before a proud person; aware of his 'good actions' but he was a mean person also! Selfish, only thinking of himself and feeding off the desires that are birthed out of our human nature. I then read my version to Katie and it all 'clicked' for her, she said...'Oh!' with eyes wide open and hands dramatically telling a story in front of her, 'So Saul was doing things that his own self wanted to do and the one telling him that he was good was only him and not Jesus. So he wasn't thinking about what Jesus would want him to do, he was thinking about what his body wanted him to do.' She paused and took a deep breath as if to say, 'you understand, Mom?' I smiled and we spent the next 30 minutes discussing different matters. She understood that the grace God brought to Saul through Ananias was not unlike her not getting a discipline when she really deserves one. She said that sometimes I 'give her grace' even though she was disobedient. We talked about what it looks like when God's grace comes into someone's life and from that moment on they 'see things differently' - which took some explanation... but not without reward! She lit up! And we ended our time praying with one another. She's coming to understand more and more the gravity of what it means to not accept Jesus Christ as her Lord and Saviour and it brings me pure joy to see the Spirit move in her.
And now, as I reread the scripture before me with respect to my enjoying a cigarette now and again, I'm really wrestling. I know there are divided perspectives on this - just as there is with anything it seems! Tattoos, cigarettes, alcohol, tight clothes, television, secular music, etc.
I just want to continue in a place where I know the heart of Jesus and can walk in accordance with the Spirit. Will a smoke here and there interfere with that? Not sure.
I do know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. That I deserve nothing except death because of who I am apart from Him. That through my declaration of Him as Lord in my life and my belief that God raised Jesus from the dead, I am saved (again, Romans 10:9.)
As I wrap up this post, I feel as though I'm cheating myself out of 'right relationship with God' and instead trying to find ways of justifying my behavior. The thing is, there is nothing other than a bunch of Christian cliches running through my head as to why this would be the case... sometimes I think Kyle had it easier growing up in a non-Christian home. He got to identify to the saving grace of Jesus Christ aside from all the religiosity involved... and now he comes to the table with a Truth that has been, for the most part, built from reading scripture, seeking wise counsel and prayer. I am sifting through the murkiness of Christian culture to find out what's based on Jesus and what's based on our own human desire to fulfill a 'law'... ugh!
God is good. He continues to reveal Himself to me.
Berges Bits Blog - Isaac Barclay's Story.
My older brother and his lovely bride, Geoff and Jennifer Berges, just started a blog. January 1st, 2010 begins with a bang. Read the story of my new nephew, Baby Isaac... have some tissues near by. The sheer awesomeness of our God will bring anyone to tears of joy and thanksgiving!See their blog:
www.bergesbits.blogspot.com
God bless you.
Auntie Krista
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)