Don't know no other way.

A girl friend of mine asked me this evening in an email, 'soooo... are you the type to have pics all over your home?'

I was on my drive home and as I approached an intersection I had to force myself to look at the stoplight, calculate whether it was red or green and then act accordingly. Thankfully it was green because I'm not so sure I would have had time to stop... I had been so absorbed in something that I hadn't been so absorbed in for so long.

Am I who I 'envision' myself to be... or am I like the family I grew up in? Am I desiring to be different than the family I grew up in or am I ok with what's been instilled in me?

I was speeding at nearly 40mph in a 35mph zone -- and if you understood the type of watch they have on this stretch of road you would know that that is quite daring. Yet my mind began drafting an email back to this girl friend of mine. I was careful in my imaginary wording, thoughtful in my approach and before I had reached the following stop light 16 blocks down I had... well, I had nothing.

I'd like to say, 'why no! ok, yes! As long as the images are beautiful pictures and are framed in black frames with white matting and... and... and...' But the honest truth is that we are living in a rental so I haven't decorated much of anything because it takes me 12 months to decide what I want a 'space' to look like... and it takes even longer for the empty, CLEAN walls to motivate me to do something different. YET, I grew up in a family that slapped something on the wall because it had sentimental value although it wasn't stylish... and now I don't know that that's so bad. I grew up in a family where my Mom got scoffed at by her Interior Designer of-a-sister because she and my Dad always had the refrigerator overstocked with candid shots of everyone we know and every trip we've been on... there are still images on there from 10 years ago! I used to laugh and think, 'oh no. Not me. I want style and clean lines...' And then I thought, 'ok, I want pics all over the place because I LOVE the faces of those people who are in my family... LOVE THEM and just seeing their smile brings so much happiness in moments when I need it.' Ideally, if I could, I would buy hundreds of IKEA Ribba frames and put images that I like ALL OVER MY HOUSE.

I would attempt to hang them straight but I couldn't guarantee it because the minute I got started I wouldn't be able to stop. I'd have neutral earth tones all over the house with white trim and black with white matting RIBBA frames from IKEA. It is likely that the images displayed would be my own images because I'm rather particular...

Yet, as I speak I have a small gallery of images gracing the side of my refrigerator facing the toaster and counter top (stainless steel on the front isn't magnetic.) The faces of my children from two Christmases ago still bring me joy and I can't seem to take the photo down... the image of my daughter and I at her preschool Mother's Day celebration in '08 still tugs at my heartstrings and the picture of my youngest hanging over the top of his exersaucer still captures his spirit!

What do I do?! I've got a Mother in law who wars against nik-nakky things in her house (including pictures without frames) and a Father who couldn't find anything more satisfying for his soul apart from Jesus Christ as pictures of his family...

I'm somewhere in the middle... trying to create my own 'style'. When we buy a house, I'm going to save up a thousand dollars and buy all the RIBBA frames I can buy. I will hang them carefully around the home so as to simulate organization and style... but in my heart I will be a Berges. Wading in the waters of family and candid images... hopefully the lighting will be appropriate and the paper used will be professional... but I make no promises.

This is an ode to you, my 'chat' friend. Warmest wishes tonight as you snooze with your window open...