Patience in REFINEment.

Everything in me is being exposed. All my sin.

Three months ago one of my dearest friends called me out on my lack of intention in our friendship. She was humble in the email and founded in her remarks. What she didn't realize at the time was that the Spirit had placed her there at that moment, writing an e-mail to a woman who had become lackadaisical in those friendships closest to her. Not just the one at hand, but she was unveiling truths that only the Spirit had access to.

The woman she was speaking to was me. I had to see it or there would be a cemetery's worth of dead friendships to visit with nothing more than tears and flowers to show.

I read her words, and though they mentioned 'resentment towards' me, I felt nothing other than love. Her words were honest and fair; her judgment was accurate and her heart was pure. It brought me to a place of repentance.

I was being REFINEd. And this was only the beginning.

Recently I was in a difficult place with someone dearest to my heart - and to say this, I mean I would take a bullet for her; I would run in front of a speeding train just to be sure she was safe; it would take nothing more than a look of 'need' for me to drop everything and run to her aide. I love her and think of her often... in the midst of a difficult decision, I hurt her tremendously but I did it for nothing more than God to have His Way with her. I laid down my desires to be sure that His desires were fulfilled - He brought me to a place, once again, where I had to seek Him first.

I was being REFINEd. And this wasn't the end.

Most recently I received a call from someone who has played a leading role in my life over the last few months. The phone call was the culmination of many uneasy conversations in the recent weeks and by the end of the call I wasn't sure which way was up and which way was down - I was 'this close' to spitting in order to figure it out. I was being told there would be no further communication between the two of us for reasons that are extremely personal and painful to broach on such a public forum. My character was being mocked and my integrity was being taken into question. I cannot remember the last time this amount of spiritual whip lashing occurred aside from when I almost buried my closest friendship. Yet this time, I felt like my maturity and integrity were intact but God was wanting to refine me.

Again, being REFINEd.

James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds...