Apron Armor II

Without more ado, the Fiend threw a flaming dart at Christian's breast.  But Christian had his shield in his hand, and so prevented him.  Then Christian drew his sword, for he saw it was time to bestir himself.  And the Fiend made fast at him, and threw darts as thick as hail.  And though he did all he could to avoid them, and in spite of the new armour that he wore, Christian was wounded in the head, the hand, the foot, and forced to yield ground. 

This excerpt from Dangerous Journey was one we read tonight as a family... and oh the timing.  Today was a Hell of a day - literally.  Satan was attacking at all sides and at all moments trying to ground me - and to be quite honest, many of those moments I fell and upon pulling myself back up had to, once again, repent and beg the God of abounding grace for forgiveness.  

The morning began with Katie walking into the bathroom and complaining that her eyes felt funny - before even looking at her my heart stopped and my entire week of change flashed before me... 

leeky-eye larissa

no leader's meeting, no leading discussion, no refreshing time of hearing others' stories of God's amazing revelations, no school for her, no school for days?, washing lots of sheets with Silver Care... and then I met her gaze.  God be with me - pink eye to boot.  Both eyes.

I calmly asked her to not talk.  To just be quiet and let Mommy think.  Any slip of her voice was quieted with a swift pointer finger to my shushing lips.  She stood still, very still.  She stared at me wide-pink-and-crusty-eyed.  Is it bad that I wasn't sure I should touch her?  The plague had already come and gone and then come again and was gone again - do I pretend like I don't see it and shuffle her quickly through a hot shower smiling and reciting my lines to her teacher under my breath?  Rehearsing all the reasons why this is beneficial or just maybe she doesn't have an infectious disease?  Why being at leader's meeting this morning was more important than caring for her clearly unclear tear ducts and nursing her back to health?  I stopped all the thoughts and looked at my daughter, now crying that her Mom has so quickly shifted her attention to 'what am I going to do now?' thoughts, and I began pulling my hair back into a knot... I hugged her tightly against my towel and whispered, 'now you can't go to school with pink eye can you?' and she, as though relief flooded her, began to cry really hard.

I walked into my bedroom and pulled on a sweatshirt and jeans - NOT my usual Tuesday morning attire, herded the kids to the kitchen and put on my apron armor.  I began darting between making waffles and texting people whose day would be affected by my sick child (still not having reached empathy yet, this is how I referred to her).  Everyone so graciously and lovingly offered their thoughts and prayers - nothing near to the negative thoughts I was having of myself not being able to accomplish all my tasks and get done what people were depending on me to get done.  Instead, these gentle words were reminders of how important it was to get right perspective... and the Enemy was lurking.  He saw me wavering on the fence between condemnation and grace - and He was about to tear me to shreds were it up to him.

thick-skin theo

Its been a rough day - full of anger and doubt and exhaustion in parenting.  From a tough phone call with my husband and the thickness of my youngest boys' skin towards discipline in general, I shed a lot of tears.  I dropped my oh-so-cleverly dubbed 'apron of armor' at my feet and gave up.  In fact, I shed so many tears today that I took a pregnancy test!  I've been looking past the EPT for months when in need of other toiletries still left unpacked from the old house and today I would most definitely be using it - I needed its fortune.  I pulled it out and tucked it quickly in the pocket of my hoodie and walked to the bathroom - you know the drill.  Of course, nothing.  So back to reality, the Enemy was upon me and the desire to succumb to him was oppressive.  And it was becoming obvious that I wasn't attune to the fact that what God has been doing in and through me and in and through those around me was, in fact, a mighty work.  

I was dinner for the Enemy.  A delectable dinner.

Jeremiah 46:3-4 says, "Order the buckler and shield, and draw near the battle!  Harness the horses and mount up, you horsemen!  Stand forth with your helmets, polish the spears, put on the armor!"  

I fought today, not real well though... and I must repent!  I'm thankful tonight that I serve a gracious and mighty God who in my weakness is strong (2 Corinthians 12:9).  

  

And by the end of the day today, I had put the apron over my head and pulled it tight around my waist. I tied the bow carefully and with each loop remembered the mighty God I serve and the attack that would ensue were I to believe, if even for an instant, that His way is the only way leading to everlasting life. And as my hands dropped to my sides and I walked into the kitchen I was reminded...

Today, Krista, you called a sister in Christ to accountability.
Today, Krista, that sister smiled and rejoiced in your obedience.
Today, Krista, that sister called you to accountability.
Today, Krista, that someone you called to accountability called someone else to accountability yesterday - I am using the both of you to affirm in each other Who I Am.
Today, Krista, Benjamin cleaned up all his Legos and was full of pride in his work of obedience to you... someday he will rejoice in his obedience to Me. I promise.
Today, Krista, your daughter felt your love.
Today, Krista, the Enemy was held at bay...

So tomorrow, Krista, put on your armor and be prepared.  I'm going to do some mighty things - you better believe it... (matthew 21:22)