SUPERMOM.

Its been awhile a week. And I've found myself at odds with my lack of desire to write. My life is full of all sorts of large and small catastrophes; large and small feats. Its likely there's something that I'd enjoy telling you about and that you'd find satisfying to read. Maybe even something that would make you smile. But I didn't write.

Instead, I spent my week meditating on the likelihood that the Lord simply dried up any desire that Benjamin woulda/coulda/shoulda had throughout the potty training week to just pee in the toilet. I am now coming to a greater understanding of myself.

I want YOU to think that I'm SUPERMOM. But I don't want you to know that I want you to think that I'm SUPERMOM. I just want to be SUPERMOM and then revel in the compliments and praise of those around me as I sit back and shrug as in humility...

It was about my vanity.  And God wanted to reveal to me another aspect of my heart layers thick with darkness.

We will try again in the next few months... until then we will enjoy our usual (unusual) experiences.

Today in photos.

THIS is why I ran back home to get my camera in between errands today... there's these little pockets around Mill Creek that have the tall, golden grass surrounded by large, hideous black chain-link fence - no comment. But the grass looks incredible when the sun shines on it at just the right angle and all I could think about was the cool textures and contrasting colors of little kids in crazy colors against the golden grass... although, Ben's looked better in black and white.

Got to spend the afternoon and evening with the Emersons.

And after a week of redressing a burnt hand a couple weeks ago, leave it to Ben to fall and open the wound back up... back to redressing what was almost a healed finger.

Cheers... have a good night.

Submission.

Today was Day #4 of the 3 Day Potty Training Method. 

We awoke this morning to a wet toddler bed and an even wetter Benjamin... but I would not be swayed.  We went through our usual morning routine of Sid the Science Kid and Dinosaur Train, breakfast and coffee - not necessarily in that order.  We canceled church as everyone was sick and took the low road of just spending some quality family time on the couch.

Around 10:45am, I equipped Kyle on the ins and outs of 'oh yuck!  your underwear's not dry anymore... yuck! yuck!' and rushing Benjamin to the bathroom to change his wet drawers and remind him that he is to 'keep his underwear dry' and 'tell DADDY when he needs to go potty'.  I, on the other hand, took off to Costco... I 'needed' to buy Katie a dress for a wedding next week (and who can beat $14.99?), I needed bread, a mop - a rather random assortment of things.  As life would have it, I also needed a bag of Cheddar & Sour Cream Kettle Chips, an extra dress for Katie, a matching dress for my niece, a bag of Kirkland Organic Tortilla chips and beer. 

I needed a hole in the head.  I needed to get OUT of my house and away from the demands of potty training.  I needed to get away from the sight of cleaning bottles, towels, dirty laundry and wet drawers sitting on the stairs.  I needed to get away from hearing my own voice in my head every moment of the day reminding Ben to... well, you know...

I needed to get away from the sight of Benjamin's face every time he started peeing in his drawers and was looking at me to 'do something' about it.  He looked at me as though he wished it wasn't happening but it was and he knew it wasn't 'supposed to'.  It was exhausting to me.  It was wrong of me.

It was wrong of me to potty train Ben.  This method is the method to use, I will fight it tooth and nail if you even begin to argue it... but not for me right now.

Once arriving home from Costco, mop standing next to me like a pitch fork in hand, I was proud as a peacock.  My son didn't want diapers after all and so I would do all I could to be sure to give him what he deserves.  To be potty trained.  To be a big boy.  To be better than other kids. 

Everyone went to bed for the afternoon and I poured myself a glass of Guinness Draught as I began to mop... the residue on the floor was more than I could bare and it was due time to clean it.  The in-laws were coming for goodness' sake!  I can live on peed on floors.  Heavens, so can Katie and Will!  So can Kyle!  But not the in-laws... no.  They deserve to walk into a pristine environment, feeling welcomed.  Feeling as though their daughter-in-law is ON TOP OF THINGS.  I would hate for it to look otherwise.

All of a sudden, everything around me came to a screeching halt - much like the Matrix move when everything freezes while the camera spins around the main subject, getting increasingly closer and closer until you see that they have just realized there's a gun pointed at the back of their head.  My face was frozen as I stopped mid-mop... and I began tearing up.  This was not about Benjamin -- this was about Krista.  This was not about him being potty-trained.  This was about Krista.  I had effectively put Ben in the line of fire so that I could retain my 'wanna-be-Super-Mom' persona... and he was getting the brunt of my disobedience. 

Did I like the relationship I had with Katie and Will during this time?  I didn't have one.  They watched TV and cried about how much their eyes itched (pink eye) or how they needed a kleenex.  It was rather annoying.

Did I like who Benjamin was during this time?  Well, of course not... but sometimes life is just hard and you've gotta be 'roughed up' a bit - makes you a better person.  And really, being potty trained is one of the better qualities.

Did I enjoy that time with the Holy Spirit - asking for direction and strength and perspective? 

(screeching tires coming to a stop inserted here)

... I set my mop down, walked out to the garage, and as though I was sleep-walking, began loading my arms up with Pampers.  I then reengaged with myself and felt my heart sink for my kiddos... a quick flash of the last four days went racing through my head...

I walked inside and began climbing the stairs to the kids' room when the phone rang.  I almost melted in a puddle thinking that it was my mother-in-law, Kathy, saying that they were only moments away.  I needed this time for myself... this time to reconnect with Benjamin... this time to pray to my Father and ask for help as He humbled me and dragged me, ever-so-roughly back to the Cross.

((((Rebecca Nordyke))))

was calling.  My dear friend from North Carolina.  Oh thank you Lord.  I really need a her voice at this very moment.

I picked it up... and within moments of our conversation beginning she said, "Krista, I'm calling because I want to tell you that I read your blog this morning and you need to give yourself a break..."  I started crying.  My God is a gracious God.  He didn't need to affirm my conviction of only moments ago.  I deserve absolutely nothing and yet He lovingly embraced me by filling Rebecca with the Holy Spirit's voice to call me and tell me what He needed to tell me.  Rebecca, thank you for your obedience - I will remember this very moment for the rest of my life as a mother... in other words, for the rest of my life. 

Between the moments of beginning my conversation with her and our saying 'goodbye', I had retrieved Ben from his bed, laid him on the floor in a 'baby-like-fashion' and pulled off his sopping wet big boy underwear.  I wrapped a fresh diaper around him as he looked at me with a confused look and I smiled at him, thinking to myself, "little man, your Mom is on top of things... don't you worry."

Humility.

It is a mystery... to me.

I do NOT have a potty trained little boy by the end of Day 3 of the 3 Day Potty Training Method by Lora Jensen.

The interesting thing is that I wouldn't attempt a different method with the next child if I had one.  I would advocate for this method until I was blue in the face because it makes sense -- which I do not see on the part of most potty training 'methods'.  With this method, you let THEM figure out the signal for when they're about to 'release' and then OWN it.  What a great arena to teach them how to progressively take on responsibility -- in the beginning YOU are the boss, taking off their diaper and putting on their big boy underwear; midway THEY are learning from you what to do and YOU are learning their signals; by the 'end' THEY have learned all the necessary skills to be fully potty trained.  What I'm realizing is that I did it 'by the book' and have found that the outcome was not what I expected. 

Tonight Benjamin pooped in his underwear for the second time today.  He was obviously very disturbed about the process of getting into the bathroom part way through, gently taking off his drawers and letting the poop fall in the toilet as Lora suggests to do.  I gently coaxed him onto the stool the first time so that, in the least, I could have him sit down, lean forward and I would wipe him clean... he sobbed and said, 'ow! ow! owwwwww...'  He ran around like a madman until I was able to calmly walk over and hug him.  I picked him up - something he wasn't letting me do moments before - and I gently set him back down again to put on his 'clean underwear'.  Ushered him off with a 'remember to tell Mommy when you need to go potty' and 'keep your underwear dry!'  with a smile on my face.  My fake smile quickly faded as he rounded the corner out of his room... something was missing from all of this.  Was I doing something wrong?  What was it?  I prayed in that moment, almost in tears as I watched my beautiful child (sometimes very 'hands-on' but rarely 'bad' and never 'uncontrollable') turn into a little man completely run by anger and fear - uncontrollable.

The evening continued on and he had another poop like the first... I took a deep breath and caught him in my arms part way through.  He stepped on the stool, turned around and right before sitting on the toilet, he FREAKED... he stepped down, holding his hand over his bum and shaking his head - crying in fear.  I gently talked with him and tried to coax him back on the stool... and that's when he opened the storage portion of our step stool.  M&Ms.  Oh crap... he grabbed them and said with a large smile, 'Mine!', patting his fat little hand on his chest, waiting for my affirmation.  He looked as though he had seen the light at the end of a long, scary tunnel.  He was pleading for me to smile and say 'yes' but I thought to myself... 'maybe this could be what gets him back on the stool to be wiped clean of his own feces.'  I said, 'AFTER we wipe your bum clean!' and I patted the stool... he sank in spirit and started sobbing again.  He began his 'little-man-completely-run-by-anger-and-fear' episode - numero dos.  I almost started crying in that moment.  None of this was 'clicking' for him and I was watching as he morphed before my eyes into a child that was not being trained up in the Lord.  My heart sank and I could barely function... and that's not being dramatic.

As I was in this midst of this disheartened, defeated and discouraged mindset I began to rethink everything.  Benjamin had run from the bathroom, fallen face first into the wall in his tantrum state and given himself a nice goose egg.  He had then ran screaming for the pantry where he knew the M&Ms would be and opened the door, jarring it so hard against the adjacent wall that I was sure we'd have serious damage deposits to pay if I didn't do something quick.  I gently pulled him free of the door and he threw himself back, racking his head on the wall so hard as he fell backwards in a heap on the floor... purple in the face, screaming, kicking and making his brother and sister come over to watch (they aren't 'thrown' by much anymore - this was definitely telling.)

Ben ran over to the stools under the bar in the kitchen and caged himself in with two stools.  He sat breathing deeply and trying to calm himself down... I sat down on the outside of his cage and pleaded with him (what is my problem?), I talked to him as though he were an adult (what is my problem?) and then carried on to ask the most surprising question of all,

"Ben, do you want a diaper back on?"  I was willing to go back to diapers in a heart beat so that we could start all over again and figure out what was triggering this uncontrollable, almost psychotic, behavior.  I wasn't necessarily buying into the thought that he wasn't 'ready' for this... but I wasn't sure.  I HAD put Lora Jensen on quite the pedestal BUT it was not unfounded!  I had done my research and watched as many other Moms (yes, even Moms I know) claim this as a tried and true method - I myself was one of them!  So what was it that was driving me to such drastic measures in the last moments of such a long ordeal?  Ben quietly came from his cage without a nod or a shake... he hugged me and I walked him to the garage where I had the 'garbage bag' of diapers (saved for Claire-bear).  I turned on the garage light and opened the bag as though I was about to reveal 10 million dollars in ransom money.  I pulled out the diaper and said, 'here Ben... do you want me to put this back on?'  I said it in such a loving, soft tone as though I was apologizing for the past three days.  (what is my problem?)

Ben started frowning an almost-crying frown and clutched onto his big boy Spiderman underwear.  He shook his head and pointed at the diaper... he started to back away, holding with both hands now onto his big boy Spiderman underwear...  I was absolutely shocked.  And then it hit me.  And it hit me hard.  He didn't care about the potty training or the toilet; he didn't care about the accidents or the expectations put on him; he didn't care about me sticking to him like fly-paper and repeating my stupid-self every three minutes 'tell Mommy when you need to go potty!'

He cared that he wasn't being loved on in a Godly manner.  He cared that he had no idea where the boundaries were anymore and he was unable, in his childishness, to figure out that these three days of 'no discipline' (aka, no physical discipline and therefore, in our home, no Godly call to obedience and, in turn, no expectations for how to operate) were meant to foster love and patience and calmness.  In the 3 Day Potty Training Method she suggests that you not 'discipline' during these three days.  That these three days are to be without 'time outs' (don't know that the Schei kids have ever had a time out), no punishment or the like.  They're supposed to be full of love and devotion and fun.  I bought into it... but I bought into it as a parent who uses discipline and punishment to merely control behavior.  Not as a parent who uses discipline as a tool to correct the hearts of my children.  Benjamin's heart, in the midst of disobedience, even whilst potty training - whether or not it was related to the potty training per se - was still disobedience and HE was expecting to be disciplined as such... but because his Mom 'read a book' he was beginning to find gray areas everywhere and things were getting murky.  Things were getting confusing.  And he was terrified.

Proverbs 15:5 - A fool spurns his father's discipline, but whoever heeds correction shows prudence.  *synonyms for prudence are discretion, foresight, forethought and circumspection.  Totally necessary during these three days -- Ben could have used these.
Proverbs 29:17 - Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.  Peace and delight to my soul these last three days?  No.  Quite honestly?  No again.
Hebrew 12:6 - because the Lord disciplines those he loves and punishes everyone he accepts as a son.
Revelations 3:19 - Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline...

Ugh!  I am SO DENSE, World!  Where would my son be today if I had been obedient to the call GOD has had on me as a Mother of Katie, Will and Ben over the recent 3 days?  I cannot say for sure that Ben wouldn't be dropping his junk in his drawers but I can say for sure that he'd be excited to see what it is I'm trying to teach him... he'd be trusting my every move and anticipating the love that awaits.

Day #4 begins tomorrow... and I will be doing things a little different.  I am humbled - not by my un-potty trained child but by my lack of listening to the Holy Spirit.  By the ease I went from Bible to book; by the confidence I held in doing my own thing and not adhering to obedience to Him; by just being me and not trying to be Him.

Ben... tomorrow you will be disciplined and your heart will be the higher priority of my day.

If you pee in the potty you will get an M&M... if you poop in the potty - goodness Ben, I will run through the streets in my old prom dress singing things like 'Fields of Gold' and doing the Macarena. 

What do you think son?





 

I forgot to mention!

* Today Benjamin went down for his nap and... two hours later woke up dry.

* Today Benjamin sat down willingly on the Baby Bjorn Potty Trainer and was excited to do it OVER AND OVER again until I had to practically drag him out of the bathroom to reiterate to him WHAT we come in here for.

* Today Benjamin grabbed himself and stood absolutely still when he began going pee... and held his cheeks together when he started to go poop. He yelled and as I encouraged him to RUN for the bathroom he hopped off the couch and high-tailed it for the bathroom. Great job little man! We still have yet to get over the 'stage fright'. ;) Tomorrow is the day.

Goodnight ya'll.

So.

The Schei kids.

Love to jump.

And Benjamin. Well, he doesn't jump as high due to his 'thickness', if you will. He has trouble even getting on the bed. But we love him and his potty-training-self.

Day 3 of Potty Training is ON tomorrow... wish me luck.

Lora Jensen's 3 Day Potty Training Method - Again.

Day 2 of Potty Training. This is the second time I've potty trained a child. You're curious aren't you? I DO have three children yet I don't even remember the first -- it didn't seem hard at all... but it did seem long. Days of potty seats here and there, days of accidents at sporadic times. Me ASKING her if she needs to go. Me MAKING her go before we tried to accomplish very important tasks like errands, sleep and eating.

Then I heard about Lora Jensen's 3 Day Potty Training Method and my ears perked up.  With William it was hard, rigorous and labor-intensive. But only for 3 days. Therefore, I decided to take it on again with my second -- when they say that every child is different, they're not kidding. But even in that, Lora claims that they will be potty trained in 3 Days - regardless of their temperament.  William was trained in about a day... and Ben shows little-teeny-weeny-baby-signs of being trained by the end of three!  Oi... I will survive.

So I forge forward with the anticipation of a fully potty trained family -- I'll be the closest to diapers again considering my weak bladder control and lack of care for class. Today we made cookies to keep the kid (Ben) from running around the house like a wild animal, grabbing at his privates and just ever so slightly releasing into his drawers. I think he's testing the whole process - and by golly, I'm staying on him like a fly on you-know-what... he has actually run out of the room, turned around to find me walking after him in an attempt to 'play' and he gives me the 'talk to the hand' routine and shakes his head vigorously. I have officially reached the 'uncool Mom' stage and my son is only nearing two years old. But the marshmallows atop the cookies were a sure winner...

There's a quick way to this kids heart. Now if only he would follow the trail of mini Jet Puffed Marshmallows to the restroom...

Oh, he's cute... in his big boy underwear, doing big boy things, eating 'poop pills' as I've decided to call them to make them more tantalizing for him, and sleeping... which is what he's doing as I write this. Will THIS be the moment?! Will this be when it 'clicks'?!

We will find out soon.

Again its one in the afternoon but on the SECOND day. I'll keep you updated.  Ben lounging Cleopatra style under the dining table, Ben and his 'poop pills' and Ben's cheeks at the computer.  Man he's got thighs like tree trunks.  I want to nibble them.  But not now.  They're covered in dry pee.  I'm not Bear Grylls.

Cheers.