Giving birth to Death.

Now there's nothing like waking up to the blaring realization of how dangerous sin is. 

(James 1:14) but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.  (15) Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death.

Oi.  In our story today little Evan brought home another creature in his lunch box - something he regularly does (to the dismay of his Mom who has to clean it out every afternoon).  On this day, Evan brought home what he thought was a 'cute little baby snake' and it was relayed to him by his Dad that the little snake was actually a baby rattlesnake with enough poison to kill someone!  His Dad asked Evan to take it outside and KILL IT.  Evan was disheartened that he was being asked to kill such a tiny creature that seemed so harmless!

We likened this to our 'little sins' that when acted on grow bigger and bigger and begin to poison our hearts.  Kyle talked about how it was Evan's Mom and Dad that helped him understand the danger that he was in when he brought home the baby snake and how its Kyle and I's job to teach Katie, William and Ben the danger of giving into even the tiniest of sins.  We talked about the importance of 'killing' the sin in our life regardless of what the sin may be.

This morning I didn't feel that overwhelming flood of emotion that I've been feeling with the other devotions we've been having - as I think about it, I think its because its a reminder to each of us the gravity of sin as opposed to some novel idea that gives me a new perspective on a familiar passage.  

... I am having to cut short my writing this morning and I think it has less to do with needing to get three kids in the car and more to do with my heart's need to be searched through and through -- again, like I said the other day, I know there's those dark little corners and I want them swept.

Another day, another dollar gone.

Last Thursday I watched as our van was loaded onto the back of a flat-bed tow truck. Considering we were hoping to have it returned on Tuesday, at the latest, today being Thursday and we are still out a vehicle causes for some added concern. We are leaving town first thing Sunday morning for the Oregon Coast and it is my desire to have all the i's dotted and t's crossed at least 24 hours before leaving... we'll see if I'm able to accomplish that and whether or not AAMCO can deliver on their promises - considering that few returned calls and pushing off the final installation is par for the course, I'm trying to keep my standards low and my hopes high.

Yesterday was a day of ups and downs - Benjamin danced unlike he's danced in days; he was able to drink multiple Instant Breakfasts in lieu of his regular mega-consumption of cereal, yogurt, toast and fruit; Benjamin was tired and his lack of food has not only dropped him about 4 lbs. in 5 days but its also began to make him very angry; Kyle had a discouraging day at work due to no fault of his own -- I believe his exact words were, 'I'm about to get really drunk and burn down my industry...' now if you know Kyle, you know he's a rather thoughtful and realistic individual - he doesn't often get ruffled to a point that results in such drastic measures to solve a problem; our van needed an extra $500 to get it to working order and just may need another $400 part when all is said and done; Ben still doesn't talk which drives me to drinking; and last but not least, Prison Break has 4 Seasons and my heart can hardly stand the suspense as it is...

This morning's verse during our devotional time was from Ephesians - do not let the sun go down on your wrath.  It was wonderfully appropriate for my children as Katie is getting more and more dramatic about the dramatic drama in her dramatic life and its usually dramatically relayed to Kyle and I at the bedtime hour when she can't sleep because 'so and so said something hurtful to me earlier this week and I just can't stop THINKING ABOUT IT!'  She says this in disgust as though there's a tiny little cloud following her around constantly trying to make her life a living hell and there is absolutely no hope left.  Oh what I could teach her about a hard day... Truth be told, those conversations have been some of the most revealing to Kyle and I about what God is doing in her heart -- its amazing and I'm so thankful for His grace on her little life.  He is revealing Himself to her and she sees it - though a little foggy at times.

What was more appropriate for me was the Psalms scripture they took us to at the beginning of the devotional time:

Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; ...

Over the recent months, my heart has been drawn to live closer to my family and I've wondered off and on what that may look like.  For years it was never a consideration and it just so happens that its not such a crazy idea after all... but what would that look like?  What's been so good in and through these conversations with Kyle is the challenge to separate myself from an 'idea' of what I thought things would look like for our family of five -- don't get me wrong, we have never and will likely never live the predictable life that sometimes I wish we had... its just not in our cards, I'm afraid.  Does it sound dreamy?  Yes.  Does it sound like something that would bring us peace?  No.  So beyond the desire to move to Eastern WA is a greater desire to 'commit my way to the Lord' and 'wait patiently for him' -- I want our debt to be gone, I wish my kids could play outside more, I'd like to see my side of the family as much as possible and it'd be awesome if all of that could be partnered with an income for Kyle through another job that he loves -- it has been such a blessing having him in an industry that keeps his mind sharp and his relational side tapped into... if only the economy would comply.

See?  So many thoughts... no conclusions other than what God has promised in His Word to do if we simply 'commit our ways to Him'.  Today I will work on that... and I know come the end of the day I will be fulfilled and the desires of my heart will be met - a loving husband that I'm attracted to and want to be with, three beautiful children that are healthy and a Father who is sure to keep His promises - because the world comes up short.

Hostage Situation.

Our most recent hostage situation was one that I was rather proud of. We usually adorn our kitchen/dining room with critters in the minor league such as beetles or ants... but a FROG?! Now we've breached what may be a situation worthy of a conversation or two about animal cruelty.

*Note: we feel that flooding them with the truth is a fantastic way to create for them a realistic outlook on life in most any situation. When I told Katie that she will likely be dissecting (had to explain that term) frogs in high school she responded with, 'well, that's ok. Science helps us understand things that we want to learn about. that's just science. this is different.'

Ahhh... survival of the fittest. Well done, my pink/sparkles/tutu/artist-of-a-daughter, you make me proud.

Some more pre-Emerson Wedding Pics...

Paper Chains and unruly children.

Making paper chains so we can countdown to our beach vacation...

I had such high expectations of this mini-shoot -- I drove home almost in tears because I just wanted it to-go-as-planned. Regardless, we got some wonderful shots.

Oh Sweet Reese.

What do I smell like?

This morning the kids and I spent a few moments remembering what we spoke about yesterday - the verse was Psalm 141:3 - Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.  In response Katie drew a picture of a man with doors for lips to remind her that she prayed for a guard to stand there and weigh everything that goes in and out... so wonderful!  I loved it!

This morning we spoke about being the fragrance of Christ to those around us.  Our verse was 2 Corinthians 2:15 - We are to God the fragrance of Christ among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing.  When asked whether or not they think they 'smell' good to other people, Katie somberly responded 'no...' which I was ELATED to hear her say because its been our biggest challenge with her lately.  Her words and actions have been caught in a game of tug of war - whether to observe and obey what God is asking of her in the moment or give in to the evil desires that tell her to think only of herself... I have been praying that she would recognize this!  Praise the Lord for these moments during our mornings lately -

Our discussions have included the following...

• seeking peace and pursuing it; being a peacemaker in your home
• when our faith is tested, it produces patience and our relationship with Christ grows
• presenting ourselves as a living sacrifice to God - we want our life to please His heart
• searching the scripture to see if what your being taught is Truth - weighing what you hear and know against God's Word
• just because someone is nice and does a lot of good things doesn't mean they are going to heaven when they die -- they have to know Jesus Christ because He is the only way
• setting a guard over our mouth and asking God for help with our words
• being the fragrance of Christ to those around us - the saved and the perishing

This morning I am taking in all that is going on in our Schei life right now.  I'm asking God to search my heart because I know that there's darkness in it that I'm having trouble putting a finger on.  Rebecca talked to me the other day about forgiveness and that it just may be that I'm imprisoning myself if I haven't completely forgiven -- I felt as though I had and now I'm not so sure.  As Kyle and I continue to walk forward in a difficult financial situation -- William's surgery, my ultrasound and now our van's transmission... thousands of dollars that we don't just have sitting there is needing to be paid and we're simply asking God for the provision necessary to get past this hurdle. 

God is faithful.  He is all I need.  If only I can recognize that as I go about my day today.  God is reminding me that I will smell like something to the people around me today... its up to me, through the Grace of God, what my actions and attitudes will be.

Domesticated.

Making tarts and dried fruit is not my forte. Not that I can't do it... its just that I rarely care enough to research whether shortening the process by skipping a step is going to result in a this-wasn't-worth-my-time product. And when I'm battling whether or not to address the behavior of my children or whether or not to continue forming the perfect crust on my tart, I can only handle one.

So, I'm excited that I had the time and energy to create this Apricot Tart... we'll see how it goes. I didn't skip a step but I did use the leftover raspberry preserves as opposed to exclusively using the Apricot Preserves the recipe called for.

A Schei-load of Good Stuff.

Recently (7 days ago), our babysitter left here almost in tears. She had had a long day and our children had only made it that much worse. Katie was talking back and screaming, William was wild and unruly and Benjamin was determined to not stay in his bed after the lights were off.

As I drove Emily home and she relayed the story of the evening, I had to refrain from slamming the gas pedal to the floor and taking corners at mock speed - I was fuming. My children... my sweet, Godly, well-behaved Schei children had driven the babysitter close to insanity with their antics and ill-behavior. They were supposed to be the kids that all other parents thought were perfect. Their behavior was supposed to reflect my wonderful parenting. They were supposed to be my trophy of a well-balanced family and proper discipline.

Humbled and racked with emotion, I knew that all the energy the kids possessed needed to be corralled, broken and redirected so that it was productive - not destructive. Kyle and I decided that chores around the house and a firm hand with regards to cleaning up after most everything they do would likely turn their entitlement issues on their head.

Katie, Will and Ben now make their beds before we go downstairs for breakfast. Before they eat, Katie empties the dishwasher and Benjamin helps her by emptying out the silverware and putting them away. William wipes down the counter after breakfast and then we all huddle in the living room for a devotional time. What I thought would be a battle when asking them to do their chores has turned into a wonderful sense of ownership and excitement! They are a part of the family and their help in housework has given them a more humble perspective - at least its seeming that way right now. We've been at it one week now and they have only batted an eyelash once at the idea of doing their work.

Now if only I can be sure to praise the Lord for wisdom and discernment as we go forward... again, I struggle with wanting YOU to think my children are wonderful, well-behaved and selfless. I want you to get on the Krista bandwagon and begin disciplining like I do because its the RIGHT way - its not the only way, its the RIGHT way.

And I want you to believe that somewhere deep down inside Krista Schei there is a unique sense of discipline and purpose that has nothing to do with God but definitely aids in being obedient to His will; something that is GOOD aside from the Lord Jesus Christ that only works in my favor as I raise my children. Something that you can't ask God for but instead is innate and not everybody has it.

I am evil. There is nothing good inside me. Without the grace of Jesus Christ and His work on the cross, I would be a hopeless mess. Of all the sinners, I am the worst - isn't that what Paul says of himself?! That's how I feel when I confront this sickness in me. Here I am, gung ho about discipline and structure... excitedly sharing and conversing with those of you who want to talk about it... and yet all the while I'm secretly holding onto a sense of pride that its unlikely any one can match what I'm capable of. Sounds harsh I know, you don't have to say it.

Now as we walk forward today, after having our morning devotion together, I'm hoping that God would not only put a 'guard over my mouth and keep watch over the door of my lips' but that He would work on the root of the problem - that my heart would be transformed and that I would more clearly recognize what He has done for me, what He is doing for me on a daily basis, and what He has promised to do for me as I take the next step according the His Will.

Let's Play Butcher.

Children's minds are so moldable.

Today I took my three kids and the two kids I nanny for up to Smokey Point to pick up my 1/4 beef.  The car ride was a little alarming as they began into the fascination of the butchering process...

'they go like this to the neck...'
'after they put the big knife in do they jump on top of the knife?'
'can we ask the butcher how they kill the cow?'
'my uncle kills pigs and I've always wanted to know how he kills them.'
'how do we fit a big piece of the cow into our freezer?!'
'are all the little parts wrapped in something before we bring it home?'
'will you just put it in the back of the truck?'

I smiled that my children had the ability to stomach all these pieces of information... there's just something about it that makes me proud.

We arrived at Silvana Meats and the kids filed inside the small shop.  They stood against the upright glass freezers staring at the cuts of beef and pork with enthusiasm.  I, on the other hand, stood in line behind two fishermen who were ordering the most beautiful steaks for their trip on the off-chance they didn't catch any fish... I can't imagine they're going to try real hard at this point.  I'd take a chunk of red meat over opaque any day of the week.  Enjoy yourselves boys.

The men walked out the shop, squeezing past the kids as I gave the lady at the counter my last name.

'I'm picking up 1/4 beef from Thomas Farms for Schei...'  I glanced over at the kids to find them holding their noses in disgust at the smell of the butcher shop (they don't appreciate the mouth-watering smell of smoked meat yet) whilst they played 'Butcher'.  It would be hard to even begin to describe the five of them pretending to slaughter each other with smiles on their faces as though the death was all for a good cause... good for them.  They're beginning to understand that beef looks better in the kitchen than it does in the grass.  Once again, I was proud.

The butcher and I chuckled as we exchanged credit card for a signed receipt.  I filed the kids out to the truck and waited for the load to be delivered...

What a load it was!  I filled up the trunk of the truck and hauled it home... the kids seemed a little more uneasy about the dead cow in the back of the car and I was trying with all my might to reassure them that it was AWESOME and totally worth the loss of life.  They looked at me as though they were still smelling smoked meat and rested their heads back looking out the window.  What were they possibly day dreaming about?  I don't want to know...

I hummed happily all the way home and dreamed about putting my beautiful beef into the freezer in a rather organized fashion -- making homemade meals with my beef -- creating beautiful meal calendars each month and maybe even a freezer inventory (in honor of Dick Haferbecker)!

6 of the 7 lives in the car were looking up... I'm so happy to be on the top of the food chain.

 

Just makes you SMILE.

This documentary is bound to be phenomenal - and packed full of inspiration.

iDON'T MAKE SENSE.

Let it be known, if its not already known, that I often post things that confuse my readers.  I have these ideas in my head and somewhere between the idea I have in my head and the words I post on my blog about that idea, pieces of the idea get lost...

For example, this morning Kyle saw my most recent post and he said, 'honey, I don't get it... an idiot?  Why would you be an idiot for me?'  I then went on to explain to him that I had spent 10 minutes in front of that stupid mirror and window trying to get the lighting I wanted and the oh-I-didn't-mean-to-take-this-picture look on my face so that it wouldn't look I really cared what I looked like in the photo but indeed I did care and went on to post the ones I liked... etc.

That was funny to him.

iWIFE

... and her progression through stupidity.

In the end, thank you Kyle for my iPhone 4. I love you... I will be an idiot for you ANYTIME.

iHUSBAND

Dear Kyle,

We have now been married for close to ten years... I have tried my darndest to appreciate YOUR appreciation for technology and many times have come up short.  The newest thing is always out there and its not unlike my desire for the newest organizational piece for our home.  I have learned to be ok with your LOVE for technology... and now I'm more than ok with your love for technology.

Thank you for my iPhone4.

And well done, my hot-techno-geek-meets-finance-wizard, you made money off the transaction.  Impressed I am.