I did something dirty this morning.

Christmas with all of its marvels - Santa, the elves, the toys, the plate of cookies and reindeer that can fly - has always been something I've held onto into motherhood.  It brings me so much excitement to think of the kids going to bed with one eye open the night before Christmas -- its so magical and FUN!

Same goes for the tooth fairy - not so much the Easter Bunny cause I think he's creepy - but the tooth fairy is dainty and quiet and sparkly and lovely and and and and and...

Upon Katie losing her first tooth months back, I made a big deal and got a 'gold coin' to put under her pillow.  She held onto that coin for days and days... she was distraught when the coin was no longer shiny gold but was now distressed and green in color from the sweat of her tiny palm.  That would likely be the last time I'd scrounge in my purse for something lovely and different - I'll just give her a regular coin.  They hold up much better and don't have 'Woodland Park Zoo Merry Go Round' etched on the back that I pretended said something else.

Yesterday, Katie bit into something and in a terrified gasp opened her mouth and showed me her tooth hanging by a couple of threads.  She didn't want me to touch it and I told her that I wasn't going to pay to go to the dentist... I told her I needed to pull it out.  While she thought I was innocently drying it off with the corner of a napkin, I did my best pincer grasp, twisted, and pulled... to her alarm I stood there, smile on my face and a tooth in my fingers.  She giggled and ran to the bathroom to look at the hole.

We wrote a letter to the tooth fairy last night... we put the tooth in a jar and turned off the lights.

The tooth fairy didn't come.  Katie bawled these words from her room only moments after waking up and my stomach SANK.  I had forgotten!  How could I let her go on thinking in not just a tooth fairy but a tooth fairy that couldn't manage her time very well?!  I heard her whimpering and crying in her pillow (no joke) in fear that the tooth fairy just didn't remember her...

I knew that it would be better for her to believe in a fallible Mom instead of trying to comprehend the fault of a very busy tooth fairy... so I pulled her into my bed and cuddled with her.  It took me probably a full minute to get the words out, 'honey, the tooth fairy is actually Mommy and Daddy...'  She quizzically looked up from laying her head on my shoulder.  'Yeah, the tooth fairy didn't forget you.  Mommy forgot to pretend to be the tooth fairy last night.  The tooth fairy is pretend.'  What I thought would be heart-wrenching was surprisingly FREEING for both Katie and I!  Katie didn't feel forgotten and I didn't have to hide anymore!

Now, if only I can get out the realities of the Christmas season. Of course they know why we celebrate Christmas -- they're just sure that Santa loves Jesus too... probably not unlike that weird picture of Santa bowing in front of a manger.

I better right this one. And quick.