i'm just gonna say it

... were the words that came out of Kyle's mouth tonight as we stood in the kitchen and talked about how Katie had just responded to him before heading upstairs to brush her teeth.

you don't put it on that way... Dad.  Dad.  its not on the right way (she said with a tone of annoyance regarding the way Kyle was putting the cushions back on the couch)

Kyle responded with a quick 'yep, i see it' and nothing more.  No look of disbelief, no quick, stern voice of reprimand, no size 11 to the chest... NOTHING!

I began processing in my mind how to approach the subject as Katie made her way down the entry hall and up the stairs - likely walking shoulders back, chin set and with a look of annoyance in her eyes as she scaled the last few steps on her way to brushing teeth.

Kyle, this is what I'm battling all day with her right now... I work so hard at getting to the root of where her heart's at and I feel like you and I are not on the same page with regards to how she is allowed to speak to you and I.  I don't understand why you just allow her to speak that way...

fast forward a few minutes to...

i'm just gonna say it (Kyle says to me as he leans casually against the wall)...

I stand with my hips hitting the counter as I look over at him.  My back is straight and my chin is lifted... I look at him quizzically as though I'm not sure what's about to come out... and then moments before the words escape his lips, I know.

Jesseca.  Riley.  Attitude.  Kids watch us.  Example.  ... within a split second these things begin flooding my mind as I listen to Kyle continue...

Krista, I'm deaf to it quite honestly... when I get home I'm on your turf.  You like things a certain way and have expectations of how everything is run... you respond to my lack of meeting those expectations in much the same way as Katie did just now... I'm just, kinda, used to it, I guess... he says as he shrugs his shoulders and scrunches his face to give off a sense that he doesn't mean to be abrasive - just honest.  Totally and completely honest.

He's right.  He was so wonderful and humble and kind to clarify that he does not want to enable our daughter's attitude as he and I work through how I can better respond to him when he's at home helping me do my things... but in the least, I was ever so quieted.  God had, once again in His faithfulness, prepared me for the blow just yesterday as Jesseca and I talked more seriously about Riley's attitude, how she responds to him, what he experiences and how he may be adopting some of her sin... I had no idea it would so beautifully fit into what I'd be learning 24 hours later.

as i walk into our morning tomorrow as a family, sipping coffee and getting Dad off to work I will be ever so carefully speaking to my husband as the kids watch me with eyes peeled and hearts at the ready...


to adopt 

whatever it is 

they see me do 

 ... by the grace of God go i.  

© katie schei photography :)

to kyle... my wonderful husband, friend, lover and lifetime partner in battle... I love you so much and will from this moment on take to heart the words you spoke tonight.  it was a blow and i am humbled and ever so ready to begin a whole new chapter...

when you're on my turf... i'll give you the ball and let you run with it - the kids will be watching!

(i'll just quietly coach under my breath sometimes, if that's ok) 

spring has sprung, er, will spring

... soon i hope.

what a day it was on Saturday, you know the day before Easter Sunday.  Easter Sunday... when we pull out the bonnets and dresses, the caps and blazers and make our way through the sunshine to service?  well the day before that was absolutely marvelous.

kyle, the kids and i went to Max Buma's baseball game late morning.  we indulged ourselves in fresh fruit and snacks whilst watching Max play first base; we basked in the sun's warmth as we chatted and laughed together while the younger kids ran through the trees and across the empty baseball diamonds, kicking up dust and peeling off layers of clothing; we sat on the hard dirt, lounged in the chairs, talked about this and that and after the game, folded up the chairs and card tables, collected our trash littered on the ground and began our trek across the open field to the parking lot... Jen and i talked about our plans for the evening and spontaneously planned an evening of BBQing and egg-hunting for our two families...

it was a lovely SPRING day and then the winter came back in full force the next morning.

until then, i will continue to replenish and water my daffodils in the window... i will take pictures of children playing in the sunshine spilling into the living room... i will, at the first hint of warmth drop all housework and spend time outside... and i will continue to hope for Seattle's first day of Spring... we try not to make it a consistent date every year like the rest of the country does.

bitter sweet

two things i love right now are fresh produce and cooking

between the Rouxbe Cooking School and Klesick Family Farms Box of Good, i've been lost in this land of good food and great techniques; fresh produce on my doorstep and an endless number of online cooking courses (forgetting to cancel my 7-day FREE trial has catapulted me into a month-long affair with this wonderful school, don't judge me... paying for it but loving it is the bitter sweet part)

it has made my time in the kitchen almost addicting -- for two mornings in a row we've had a soft-boiled egg and canadian bacon on top of a slice of rosemary artisan bread (thank you Rouxbe)... sounds decadent?!  Not at all... to me decadent means lots of work and expensive ingredients with only a glimmer of hope that the end result will be as satisfying as you originally hoped...

this breakfast, on the other hand, will become a staple... and not to mention the braised kale i made for dinner last night (thank you Klesick and Rouxbe!)  this idea of having produce delivered that i would have never purchased at the market has become an invigorating challenge for me -- kale, garlic scallions, green cabbage and radishes... all have been unusual but wonderful additions to our plate recently that i hope to be able to do this for a long, long time...

and now for what i want to eat for dinner... there's leeks, there's green leaf lettuce... pears and tomatoes and lemons and limes and garlic scallions and regular scallions and oranges and shallots and... and... and...

my mouth is watering already.

tap it to crack it and then roll it gently... great tip

kale, onions, garlic and broth...

for chris uyyek

katie spent the majority of this afternoon building a horse stable (for her wood horse that she engineered and kyle built last month)

the horse (can't remember its name)

the tack

the bar that holds the tack and a bag of onions for the horse (her words)

the cover on the stable for shade and protection from other elements such as rain

the cover for the stable that opens when the day is nice

the lock on the stable door

the complete package

... she might be due for some lessons. ;)  We love you Chris!!!!

a noble act

a noble pretentious act.

the day before yesterday i started studying the fundamentals of making bread - simple, right?  for the most part yes.  water, yeast, bread flour, salt and some more bread flour... a lot of kneading and time to rise...

and then add four children under the age of six with their own bowl of ingredients, making their own individual balls of bread dough... and before you know it they are laughing and playing, covered in flour and cemented in dried bread ingredients.

they loved it.  and i had to suppress any feelings otherwise.  they were joyously smiling and begging me to help them at every turn...

i took a deep breath, gave them a time limit and began organizing in my mind how i would attempt to reconcile the situation... at least back to where i had envisioned it - which would involve cleaning up the children, sending them off to play, cleaning up my 'board' and corralling all bits of dough into a couple regular sized adult balls for me to work with

and save.

and i'm sure we'll do it again...

not hot

i've been addicted... and tonight was my last night to milk my first-time visitor $19.95/month unlimited for your first month offer -- and Kyle had a late meeting!

Shoot!  (considering the meeting, I can't complain though - God is so good)

jen and i will be Hot Yoga hopping, if you will, for the next couple months until we run out of first-time visitor offers...

Hot Yoga Inc in Mill Creek Town Centre is next.

community

during quiet time today i began listening to our pastor's sermon and began thinking to myself... wow, its so easy to listen and enjoy the sermon yet compartmentalize all areas of my life and instead of truly having a 'radical heart change' like Pastor Matthew mentioned at the beginning of his sermon, a lot of us tend to piece a part the sermon and begin sprinkling areas of our life we can work on... those areas that we can 'work on' are likely areas that we've already allowed Jesus to begin His work and we're comfortable with Him continuing to dissect and transform those situations...

our neighbor who annoys us, my desire for an SUV because i'll never be seen driving a van, the fact that i can't afford a Starbucks run but i keep doing it, desiring a larger home, and the list goes on...

aren't these the areas that most of us assume the position of humility and ask God to transform us?

yet what about the areas that are so deep rooted and have become such an innate part of who we are?  those are likely the areas that we are unwilling to own, and likely oblivious to, that need the transformation... and then as a product of that transformation all the other situations just seem to align with God's heart.  its seems to me that too many of us are willing to ask God for help with the symptoms but bar Him from the disease.   

currently, i feel i am coming face to face with what to me is just that - an unwillingness to see one's own depravity as any deeper than that which is easily accessible and just as easily transformed by a good sermon.  it seems that at that depth, or lack thereof, that God is not allowed the accessibility to deeply transform a heart.  that instead of complete humility there is a guarded and calloused wall that will save face at all cost.  and it has caused such destruction. 

... and so i sit here today.  trying to figure out how we can create community with friends and fellow local church members that looks not unlike what Jesus wanted to bring as he walked on earth.  the very reason Kyle and i chose the current church we're at is because God had already created in our daily life relationship with these people.  the Jones', the Emersons, the Savages and others that seemed to infiltrate our life because we spent time together aside from a beautiful Sunday sermon and a community group each week.

we did life together.

when doing life together becomes dangerous is when you incorporate Jesus into the mix... and THAT is what excites Kyle and me with being a part of this community at The Journey but also makes us weary as time after time the introduction of the one another commands of Christ have been met with malice and offensiveness.  no, i'm not talking across the table at community group - its easy to look like you've got it together on that evening.  i'm talking the daily life of living out with our children and friends and spouses what it means to be obedient and continue to render our hearts.  that's when it becomes... unstable.

are you willing to check your heart when someone asks you tough questions about the decisions you're making?  are you open to others' concerns about your parenting, your marriage, your haughtiness or self-deprecating behavior?  are you surrendered to His heart so much that you almost thirst for such opinions be they substantiated or not just for the opportunity to wrestle with what it is that God has for you?!

i don't know... maybe all this is too idealistic and you're wanting to tell me that it will never happen where a community of people will be this authentic and desirous of a deeper relationship with Jesus in every aspect of their daily lives.

but i'm not giving up.  the reward is too great.

if someone told you that you had a 1/1 chance of winning the 10 million dollar Lottery jackpot, would you not buy a ticket?  such is the life of authenticity and community... the glory of God will be revealed and His work on the cross will transform even the deepest, and sometimes the most simple, sin we find ourselves in - then we will partner with the Creator God and experience what it is to be alongside Him as He fulfills His indescribable plan.
    

spring days and lots of kids

baby lulu (take two)

i don't think i can tell you how excited i am that i've figured out this sharpening thing for my blog... sounds really professional, doesn't it? Anywho... if you have any questions as to how its done, leave me a comment and i'll gladly let you know!

SHARP PHOTOS

i just figured out how to properly convert the original image size so that i can post to my blog without losing the sharpness...

i'm thrilled!!!  check out the difference between this post and the latter post.

you can bet i'll be reposting the earlier images from the 'baby lulu' post i did earlier...

i LOVE figuring this stuff out.  its so satisfying.

baby lulu

WHAT AN HONOR to photograph this beautiful couple... Ben and Jessica are good friends of ours from the college days.  Over a glass of wine during our most recent 'Bellingham Reunion' she asked me if I'd still be willing to shoot her labor and delivery as we had dreamed about a year before.  I was elated and took the job immediately -- and before that wonderful birth day, when the weather was beautiful, we spent time together documenting the celebration of baby lulu.

... this is only the beginning of a wonderful journey.

Thank you Ben, Jess and Lulu for letting me a part of this wonderful adventure... and thank you for letting me loose behind the camera and capturing all the emotions surrounding this incredible time.